Ruby-Eyed Okapi

We've moved to Rubyeyedokapi.com

2010-11-19T23:18:00.001-05:00

http://rubyeyedokapi.com/
http://rubyeyedokapi.com/
http://rubyeyedokapi.com/
http://rubyeyedokapi.com/
YEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lynsie's Story

2010-11-10T14:30:00.005-05:00

So it would seem I am the last to get around to sharing my testimony and why modesty and chastity are important to me. It is rather difficult for me just as I know it has been for those who shared before I did. But it is time to get it over with and hopefully it will help or inspire or encourage even just one person.

I wasn't raised in a decidedly Christian home. We went to a Catholic church when I was little but I never felt any real connection to God although I did believe a God existed. It didn't help that the services could hardly hold my attention since many times they were in Ukrainian or were just plain ridiculously long and boring. Gradually I stopped going at all by the time I was in my early teens.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. Romans 1:20

One of the elements that really defined my high school years was my search for religion or spirituality or whatever you want to call it. I was very much into Wicca, astrology, tarot cards, etc. I did spells for beauty and love, I consulted the stars and the planets to describe a person's personality, I read their cards.... it was intriguing and exciting but never fulfilled in me that need we all have for God. Not to mention I opened some spiritual doors that brought negative things into my life and into my bedroom. I often felt a presence in my room and I saw shadows and heard unexplained sounds. Even after I accepted Christ, I hadn't ever attempted to rid my life and my living space of these spirits and I would have literally paralyzing nightmares that terrified me even when I was awake. Noah also witnessed some of the unexplained occurances such as the shadowy outline of a man on my bedroom wall right next to my bed.

But these spirits aren't the only thing I let into my life. A 2008 internet statistic showed that 30% of internet porngraphy consumers are women, and that is a number that is increasing over the years. I was first exposed to pornography before I even knew what sex was. I was at a friend's house and we found a chest filled with pornographic magazines and books. What I would give to go back in time and make sure that never happened. A few years later it was a scrambled tv channel playing pornographic films and a few years after that we got the internet and it was downhill from there. It was something I knew I shouldn't be looking at but it wasn't until after I was saved that I began to know how morally and spiritually wrong it was. By that point I guess you could say I was an addict and so it was an incredible struggle for me to break that habit. I tried so many things to quit including installing a program on my computer that would send weekly lists of my internet activity to an accountability partner, writing a research paper on the negative effects of pornography, trying to limit the time I spent on the computer, etc. I never told a soul about my problem; I think Victoria was the only one who knew. Well, now its out in the open!!! It is incredibly painful and embarassing for me to share but I know it is good to finally really put it out there in the light where it can hopefully shrivel up and die.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

I never say that I am completely free of this addiction. As with all addictions, you never stop being an addict; you're always in recovery and you just take it one day at a time. I don't count the number of days since my last viewing, mostly I just try not to think about it at all. But I am proud to say its been a looooooooooooong time and I invite you all to continually ask me how I am doing. Accountability is so very important in helping to free yourself of any sin with which you struggle. One thing I am learning from a book I am currently reading (which I will review for you all once I'm finished) is that chastity involves community. We need each other's help to remain disciplined. If you know someone is going to ask you, "How are you doing with this area where you have been struggling?" you are going to be a lot more likely to succeed in fleeing from that sin, whatever it may be for you.

But going back to my high school years.... again I was searching and searching, trying to find Truth. At one point I came up with my own religion; I don't even remember what it was. But I remember talking to my dad about it and without putting me down he pointed out all the flaws in this belief system of mine. I realized I couldn't just make up something and call it true. By my senior year of high school, I was dating my now-husband. He is the son of a pastor and so it was in those days I began going to church again. Fr. Matt is an excellent pastor and the Lord really used him to speak directly into my heart. I can remember so many services that brought me to tears. It was like God crushed my heart but in a good way, squeezing out all the bad stuff and filling it with Christ's love. I had also gotten back in touch with an old friend of mine who was Christian. She helped answer a lot of questions I had about God and Jesus and Christianity.

Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Psalm 103:1

On February 27, 2004, I was "born again." It really was a physical (and spiritual) experience for me. I wrote about it here: http://xonetruthx.livejournal.com/1715.html. To give a short summary, I was sitting in my car listening to a local Christian radio station. A song came on that I really liked at the time and it was during that song that I felt the Lord's presence very powerfully, coursing through me and in the air all around me. That's when Jesus came into my heart. I can remember feeling like I was breathing for the first time. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. Even now my heart is beating excitedly at the memory. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Victoria and I met on a Christian discussion board and she is now my best friend. We decided to start Ruby-Eyed Okapi because we have a passion for sharing the importance of modesty and sexual purity in all its forms. They are values by which we have been very affected in our walks and we think they are extremely relevant, albeit often forgotten, in today's culture. A few years ago I did a similar project with one of my other friends, Samantha. You may remember she is the one who created the design for this blog. We ran a ministry called Modesty Is Beauty and our goal was to create modest clothing and share articles about modesty and sexual purity. We also had t-shirts with designs and phrases that encouraged modesty. One of my favorites was the admittedly sardonic "How to Pull Up Your Pants" design. So I was very excited when Victoria suggested her idea for a modesty blog. I haven't been as active lately as far as posting new entries but I do have a lot of things in the works for you all including reviews for books I think you'll really enjoy.

So there it is, my very long and at times shameful testimony with a joyful victory at the end and some hope for the future. May God bless you all and I thank you for reading!!

Distractions from Magazine Racks

2010-11-10T10:53:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, Laura (fellow Innovator here at R-EO) was telling me about a magazine that is out everywhere you go. I read the article she sent to me about this particular magazine. Lately I've been heavily burdened for various reasons for the culture we're raising our youth in. This added more of a burden.

It is very hard to not be distracted by magazines when you are shopping around. They stick magazines out in the open for all to see and stare at when you are paying for groceries and convenience stores. How are we able to get away from such things? It is almost impossible to not look at what is right in front of your face.

I went to a store last week to pick up breakfast sandwiches for my family as we were on our way to drop my husband off to his job. As I stood in line to pay, I noticed the other people in like were all looking directly at the magazine rack, which was 30 feet away making it hard to not be easily distracted. I turned my head to see not only the magazine Laura told me about, but at least 7-15 other covers varying from girls in lingerie, people naked and covering just certain parts of their bodies, and very immodestly dressed models on covers. I came out of the store feeling so sad. I even said to my husband immediately, "Please, don't ever go into [store] again. It's awful!" I was so upset that those magazines are so out in the open for kids to see and for men who are sexual addicts or recovering sexual addicts like my own husband is; to have that right there for their eyes to linger towards. I admit it was a bit of a quick reaction of mine, but my husband said, "okay." without a problem after I just explained a little of what I saw (which a few days before he told me he was in there and saw one particular magazine's content for a split second while in line and looked away immediately), which I am sure most men would complain, "But I have to have my jolt of coffee in the morning." or something. Perhaps most men would consider this over reacting. Even knowing my husband is one who turns his head away, I guess with dealing with the pain and anguish of the idea that his attention would have in the past just stared at such things and enjoyed what he saw, I might have reacted poorly and just don't want him to have to even see that when he himself doesn't want to. We are two joined together as one and have God's best interests in mind for one another. He believes that it is good for me to watch out for him so that temptation won't even come in trying to lure him into his past sinful lifestyle of lust. Our love and marriage is very important to us and worth protecting.

Growing up, my mom used to constantly turn magazines around quickly so I wouldn't see them and so that others wouldn't be negatively effected by them. People gave her weird looks for doing it, but my mom was harmed by the sexual addiction of her own husband and didn't want it to get to my brothers or me. Sadly we were exposed too much to it in our own home, but I liked that my mom did this. It actually probably is partly to why I rarely ever bought magazines as a teen. I never complained about my mom's reaction. I think she didn't want to feel lowly about her own body as well because she had felt neglected or not good enough to her own husband. Now I find myself doing the same thing. People don't realize how dangerous those things can be until it tends to hit your own life and family. Seeing these images in stores so often from childhood are probably why people shrug it off in their adulthood. It's always been a part of life for them and they probably feel they can't do anything to change it or feel they need to buy the magazines so they can look like the people on the covers because they want to live up to the standards of the world.

I went to the bookstore the other day trying to look for a modest magazine called Eliza, in which I'd posted about months ago. Of course the man who worked there stated they hadn't carried it. Right next to the fashion magazines and teen magazines are the "men's interests" magazines. It was very hard for me to deal with the fact that as soon as you walked into the magazine area, they have the fashion and men's interests magazines in the dead center of the racks. They really should put the men's interests in a more hidden closed off area, but they don't. Even my husband's skateboard magazine that he bought, I looked through first and ripped out a couple of pages including a two page spread close up of a woman's bottom wearing a thong. I am sure I sound strict for reviewing magazines before my husband looks at them, but he actually tells me to do so because of how bad his lust issue had been in the past in which he hates passionately because it destroyed so much of the man that God intended him to truly be. It is annoying to him that you can't even enjoy reading or looking at skateboards without a sexual distraction involved. We didn't think there would be anything like that in there, but just in case I flipped through every page, good thing too.

My question to you is that if you don't feel it is a big deal to see these magazine covers or content, why isn't it? What has desensitized us to allow for sinful nature to be acceptable rather than something to overcome or fight it? Doesn't it say in the Bible to "flee from sexual immorality"? Then why do wives let their husbands look at or buy porn? Why do we brush it aside when a man stares at an immodestly dressed woman saying, "it isn't as if he'll sleep with her. At the end of the day he has me and I'm real."

Jesus clearly stated in Matthew 5:28 that a man already commits adultery in his heart when looking at a woman lustfully! Yet we shrug it off like it's no big deal. It is a big deal. It is harming our world. Exposing it as a sin rather than making it seem like it is "just a part of what men do" is what should be happening. Stand up against the darkness in the world that is overtaking so many people and clouding our/their/your vision that should be growing more deeply with Christ.

What are your kids REALLY listening to? Is it inspirational? #1

2010-11-01T10:06:00.001-04:00

INTRODUCTION:
As a youth leader, I often hear about singers or music the kids are listening to. I get pretty shocked sometimes by the content in the songs (when I go home to hear what they sound like), and moreso by the content in the videos for the songs (which content in videos have always been pretty bad, but I do believe it's getting worse). I listen to underground/lesser known music so I am usually out of the loop with such popular music.

I however realize that I came from a generation as a kid hearing songs on the radio or that kids at school liked such as "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt-N-Pepa, "I'll Make Love To You" by Boys 2 Men, "The Thong Song" by Sisqo, "Boom Boom Boom Boom" by the Vengaboys, "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba, "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixx-a-Lott, "Justify My Love" by Madonna, "Booti Call" by BLACkstreet,"I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Bad, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred, "I Kissed a Girl" by Jill Sobule, "Sex and Candy" by Macy Playground, "Give It Away" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, "A.D.I.D.A.S." by Korn, "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails, and the list is gigantic. These all had questionable content about sex, relationships, and drinking.

I decided to head over to Billboard.com to listen to just the top 5 pop radio songs, top 5 rock songs, and top 5 R&B/Hip-Hop songs. If you have not heard what these songs are about, it is because sometimes the music is so catchy that they "love the song" not knowing what it is about or what the lyrics are. Even so, they might like it regardless. I want to give you an idea of what these songs could be about based off of the lyrics. Feel free to add your own insight. Talk to your kids about what these songs are really about and the negative and positive things they can learn from them.

I plan on doing entries like this every couple of months, so you can understand what our youth are being fed and what is probably going to be an inspiration to them in some way.
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Top 5 radio Pop Songs

1. "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars - This song is actually very encouraging to girls, saying the main girl he's singing about is amazing just as she is. The lyrics say that the whole world stops and stares for a while when she smiles. . . rather than at sexy bodies like most other songs state.

2. "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" by Usher ft. Pitbull - He talks about how he has no control of his body and that the music given by the DJ (at the club obviously) is going to make them fall in love as they "dance". He states about how he is going to drink a lot and pretty much go wild as they touch each other's bodies. Then of course it discusses putting the girl in a headlock (obviously a sexual one, not literal one) and how they are going to have sex, and admitting he's a "hustler".

3. "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry - It starts off really sweet about how the guy appreciates her for what she is (without make up and making punch lines). Then she talks about going "all the way tonight, no regrets, just love" as if love and sex are the same thing. Apparently that makes one stay young forever. She then talks about getting drunk and "making a fort" out of the sheets in a motel. Of course throughout it she states how she likes being touched or touching him. This makes one have a "teenage dream" to do all this? Very sad.

4. Like a G6 by Far*East Movement ft. Cataracs & Dev - The entire song is about drinking. Lots of drinking. It says they live like that every single night. Is this the type of message we should send to people? Also they mock sober girls in this song, saying that they act drunk around him. Why should anyone want to act drunk? Does that make one look cool? Be sober, people.

5. "Just a Dream" by Nelly - A song about regrets. He misses a girl who was like a dream to him, and he discusses how he should have bought her a ring and been committed to her. She left him and he is down in the dumps about it. Of course it doesn't help that he is at the club trying to get over her and realizing he should have treated her better. Poor guy is looking for answers and is just thinking about what he did wrong and not doing anything to change his ways.

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Top 5 Rock songs

1. "Say You'll Haunt Me" by Stone Sour - Song about how he wants to be with his girl forever and ever and have her haunt him if she were to die, because he can't live without her.

2. "Tighten Up" by The Black Keys - A guy really wants love desperately and said he also needs it. Apparently the one he has a thing for is a wild girl and he wants to put some reigns on her to hold her tightly to himself. He talks about how much pain he is in. He said that in the past he used to move really fast but that he's "come around". Sounds like he is ready to be committed but his love interest is too much for him (possibly reminding him of his old self). Pretty sad song.

3. "Animal" by Neon Trees - Sounds as if they are very crazy sexually together. He says how he wants more and more and that they are sick like animals. He says they "won't sleep tonight". At one point he says things are getting heavier and that he wants to run and hide. He doesn't want to be denied the animal inside of the girl he's after that he wants to be "more than friends" with. Basically this is pretty known to be a very sexual song.

4. "Radioactive" by Kings of Leon - Not really understanding what this means. He talks about drinking water from where they came from and he hopes to see someone when the "roll is called up yonder". It also mentions "sons and daughters in all their glory, it's gonna shape them. And when they clash and come together, and start rising, just drink the water where you came from". Anyone get what this mean? It could be a hidden meaning yet at the same time it could be searching for answers and taken in a godly sense.

5. "Love-Hate-Sex-Pain" by Godsmack - Apparently the singer is stating he doesn't understand if he'll be complete before he dies. He is searching for answers and is wondering as he "tears away the skin". so therefore love, hate, sex, and pain are "complicating" him and "underestimating life" as the lyrics state. Again sounds like he is tired of searching for answers in things that he's wasted bits of his life into.

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Top 5 R&B/Hip-Hop songs
1. "Deuces" by Chris Brown ft. Tyga & Kevin McCall - a girl is out to get him and follow him like a vulture. He tells her she'll regret it. There is some strong language in this song. He's ready to move on and say bye to this girl. He's going to go hit the clubs and hates love and liars. He wants all his stuff back that he bought her. He talks about giving her the middle finger. He got a new chick but she's a bit of the same type of girl but it doesn't matter if it gets his old girl jealous.

2. "Can't Be Friends" by Trey Songz - This girl dumped him and wants to be friends and it is driving him crazy since he "knows she still thinks about me too". He regrets having sex and being in love with her. He's having a really hard time recovering and even regrets kissing her because it was part of how he fell in love with her.

3. "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj - He's going to steal girls from guys. He wants to drink a lot and "tear this club up" and he likes how she "shakes it in those jeans". He said they'll go "alcohol insane". Someone tell me what a deuce is? He keeps talking about how he wants girls giving deuces to guys. He also talks about how his vision is blurred and there are so many girls around. He's drunk as can be. A girl raps and swears a lot and wants the keys to his car and supposedly someone is high on weed or she wants some. She also says she grabbed a "Louisville Slugger" aka a bat but says, "I'm really such a lady". She then talks about how they give money to the kids in Haiti and how she really hopes guys like her body and goes on with a bunch of garbled drunken talk. She gets drunk and so do all the other people at the club.

4. "Hold Me Down (Going in Circles)" by Jasmine Sullivan - This girl is crying a lot and went through so many tissues. She wants the boy back but he won't admit he's done something wrong. She continually goes back to the guy going in circles. She "feels so used by you just like a toy" and she takes the blame for how he acts since she continually goes back to him.

5. "No Hands" by Wocka Flocka Flame ft. Roscoe Dash & Wale - At a club and watching how girls move around, specifically their bums. There is language in this song. He's out for either blow jobs or a one night stand and doesn't care which. He sees breasts everywhere. Lots of drinking happening. He apparently paid a girl to do things with him and she takes her clothes off for him. While she's doing sexual things to him, he likes to sit back and stare at her body. He thinks he is hot stuff now because of how easily he got this girl to do things to him. He has red eyes from all the haze, so apparently he's high too? He continues to talk about such things throughout the song while throwing more cash at the "hoe".

Featured!!! Independent Fashion Bloggers Link à la Mode

2010-10-28T15:48:00.002-04:00

We've had our first feature (been trying to spread the word a lot lately about our stance on things)! Independent Fashion Bloggers posted about our latest Halloween article! Also another fellow modest blogger that was featured (Rachel Dahl) has a link posted as well. Just out of warning, I am not responsible for the content on the other links, so be careful for what you click on, and be aware about it. Thanks to you all for continued support and reading through our articles. It is highly appreciated. We love hearing from you through emails you send us and more! Please continue to leave your feedback and also tell your friends about us. May God bless you in the fight for purity and modesty through this crooked generation.

Costume Drama: A Break From All Things Outfit

Edited by: Holier than Now
It's the Halloween season, when some of us choose to experience the thrill (or horror) of looking nothing like ourselves for a night. For those of you who blog or socially post your outfits, perhaps it's a chance to take a break from the judgmental eye of the spotlight (consider Love Brown Sugar and One More's pieces on the subject) - one night where you turn in "looking good" for looking scary, time period-accurate, or just ... a little sexier than usual. Inspired? Find last minute costume inspiration from Tickle Me Chic and more.
And for those of us who don't celebrate the witching hour, there's still a chance to step away from the closet and remind ourselves that great lingerie, shoes, bags, and jewels can make even a white tee and jeans look scary good.

Links à la Mode: October 28th

A La Modest: 7 Common Reactions to Style
Best of Bklyn: In Favor of Knickknacks - How to Personalize Your House Into A Home
Boheme Noir: The definitive IN/OUT list for Fall 2010 bags
Closet Confections: Fashion Bloggers Take On Product Placement:A Video Response
Cute and Little One: Product placement and blogger responsibility: a blogger's role in influencing product advertising.
Daisy Dayz: Inspiring locally-designed headwear
Fashion Cents: 3 Tips to Consider for Open-Toe Boots/Shoes for Fall
Fête à Fête: YSL's new Rouge Pur Couture lipsticks
Holier than Now: 11 Great Jewelry Sites You Might Not Know About
Hunting and Gathering: Why Classic Jewelry Never Goes out of Style
Independent Fashion Bloggers: Want to be a professional blogger?
Interrobangs Anonymous: On going grey in your twenties
Love Brown Sugar: Why Don't You Love Me? A curvy girl's ode to outfit posting on fashion communities
Miss Viki: AND_i captivating jewelry show coverage, with video
OK, Bowtie: Underneath: why everyone needs pretty underwear
One More: Does a bloggers dress size affect readership and is the blogging community becoming divided over it?
Ruby-Eyed Okapi: A Modest Approach to Halloween Costumes
Style Every Day: How to change that horrible mess of jewelry on your dresser to supreme organization
The Lingerie Addict: How to Buy Vintage Lingerie for the Perfect Pin-up Figure
Tickle Me Chic: Fashion-inspired Halloween Costumes
Vogue Mornings: Ten Tips for Achieving Work/Life Balance

SPONSOR:
Shopbop bags: Clutches, Hobos, Satchels, Totes, Black handbags, Shoulder bags, Women's Wallets

Dance Movies, T.V. Shows, and Costumes

2010-10-26T09:19:00.000-04:00

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say 'no' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age..." -Titus 2:11&12

I read a wonderful article a couple weeks ago on Focus on the Family's website that was sent to me one morning in an e-mail by one of my pastors. It was about how people's views shift over the years because we are becoming more acceptable of sexuality in our nation. The focus was on the film Dirty Dancing and the T.V. show Dancing with the Stars. When Dirty Dancing came out, there was a lot of shock value in it. People were going wild over the idea of a teenager with an older mature man, the grinding in the dance (which keep in mind as well that this film was based in the 60s, but came out in the 80s), and the sensual provocative imagery.

The television show Dancing with the Stars is one I saw a few years ago a few times while visiting those who enjoyed the show and had to see it. It is quite shocking to see what some of the women wore. They were very open and very low in the back. The fabric was extremely tight fitting and the skirts were so very high. There were bellies and cleavage everywhere. One of the outfits looked more like a skimpy bathing suit that would be modeled in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition magazine, Maxim magazine, or Victoria's Secret catalog. It doesn't help that when they dance with their partner there are sexually suggestive body movements and lots of hand placements on body parts. People watch these things saying, "It is beautiful! It is artistic!" but it is also something that is erotic and will entice young people and arouse people. I remember getting a little nervous while watching the show and eying down my husband with a raised eyebrow. Most of the time he didn't pay attention to it, but I was pregnant and feeling unattractive, and here he was watching these toned female bodies prancing about sensually. I do admit that some of the dances were gorgeous (when clothed! I liked those! because they were really fun to watch and without the distraction of their bodies being exposed). It got to the point where we made sure we would leave those we visited before they watched this show.

While we watch certain films and T.V. shows, we tend to make excuses for why it should be "okay" to view them. We say things like, "dance is a form of expression and art. There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself!". It doesn't help that today in the dance scene, young girls are put in costumes that make them look like 20 year olds more than 12 year olds. Some of them will happily dress similarly outside of the dance studio or stage. They grow up being the excuse because their parents allow it to be excused, therefore finding nothing wrong with it.

We are able to express ourselves, but there are ways to do it without being showy. I remember someone once told me that certain dances reminded them of sex, so much so that it was arousing. When I attended a Protestant middle school, many young boys were excited to see girls do dance routines in Chapel because they'd see the form of the girls-wearing less than t-shirts and pants, as they were used to seeing their classmates in. I saw The Nutcracker ballet in the city as a teen, and it was absolutely stunning, but I remember hearing people snicker with glee when they'd see the guys prancing about in their revealing costumes, so this applies for not only females dancers but for male dancers and female viewers of dance.

I absolutely adore watching different types of dance. It is beautiful, but the way it is done and what is worn can twist our perspectives of right and wrong. There are some dances that are known to being more dressed than others (mainly various cultural dances). One problem I have is that when you go to even these modest dance competitions, there are young girls getting undressed or dressed right in front of you. I went with my husband (who was my new boyfriend at that time) to watch his sister perform Irish Step Dancing competitions. All around me I saw these girls walking around half naked and their parents putting their dresses on them here and there in the open, or other girls getting out of there dresses once they completed dancing. There were teen girls walking around in underwear! Men and boys were present! I loved watching the dancing, but there was no way you couldn't help but see what was right there. My husband was 17 at the time and there were some 14 year old girls running around in hardly anything, maybe even some our age. That is not comforting to any girl who just started to date the boy of her dreams, especially not knowing he had a lust problem, as most teen boys have!

The public high school I attended put on these dance shows every single year where there would be two teams that girls and boys in every grade were placed on if they signed up to be involved. I was a senior when I attending these dances for the first time (since I never participated). The boys and girls would dress together in the same locker room. I went in a locker room at one point to visit my friend and sister-in-law who were on the same team. There were girls undressing everywhere around me. Then there were the boys slowly getting dressed (all seemed to have pants on, but most were shirtless). I watched their eyes lurk around. They were having a great time seeing girls in their bras and panties. It was probably heaven for them. Of course when asking the girls how they could be a part of that environment (keep in mind I was very immodest at this time myself but was appalled) they made it seem like it was okay because the boys were "well behaved". If high schools have dress codes and also allow opposite sexes to change together, that is definitely going to send mixed messages. Why even bother with different locker rooms as it is in that case? We in society are very acceptant of what goes on and what our kids do or see. If my child were involved with such a show they'd have to dress at home! Do parents really even care about the well being of their children and to protect them from harm anymore?

My question to you is how much are you going to shrug off? How many films or shows do you think you should like less because of the sexual content or outfits?

[photos taken from here and here]

Contest & Giveaway

2010-10-22T12:13:00.005-04:00

Follow my blog with bloglovin

On my personal fashion blog, I am holding a giveaway contest that is attached to our new tumblr page for fashion bloggers!

Here's a quick screen shot of our Tumblr!!!

"Tumblr? What's it for?"
-Ruby-Eyed Okapi's Tumblr is a micro blog! Every day I'll be posting modest fashion of real bloggers (keep in mind that this doesn't mean that all the outfits the blogger wears will be modest, so just a heads-up on that in case you decide to keep updated on their outfits).
-Please click "FOLLOW" on our tumblr if you have one (and when you make one if you don't already).

"How does it work?"
-You will have to sign up to tumblr (although there may be a way that you don't have to in order to submit an entry, but you HAVE to have a blog of some sort to link it to, so make sure you include a link to your blog).
-Click HERE to submit an entry (there is also a link on the tumblr page on the left side info)
-You can submit up to 3 outfits. Not all outfits will be posted (but then again maybe they will if they are that amazing).
-I am hoping to at least receive 25 entries, or I will probably cancel the whole thing, so make sure you tell your friends and fellow bloggers!!
-Make sure you are careful to be modest.

"How long do I have to enter?"
-Until November 15th at 1PM Eastern time. Winner will be announced on November 10th.
-You can still submit entries even afterwards, but they won't be towards the contest. Entries will be posted even after the date depending on how many are received.

"How might I win? What might I win?"
-The most amazing submitted outfit wins! Keep in mind that the location, lighting, and outfit all will have a part of determining a winner!
-I'm putting together a snail mail package with goodies! These may and may not be fashion oriented items.

Halloween Costumes!

2010-10-19T16:59:00.001-04:00

"Mom, I'd like this costume for Halloween this year."

What do you do when the costume your daughter wants (or maybe you are the daughter and are hoping to wear a certain costume, but don't know where or how to start for a more modest approach) looks more like something that a woman would wear for a burlesque show or for a Playboy photoshoot?

Here are some suggestions for you.

-If you know someone who sews, or you know how to sew, look into adding pieces to the costume, or wearing layers. Maybe make a more modest version of it.

-Look for similar items at a thrift store that cover up a bit to pull off a beautiful costume that is more modest and not overused that all their friends will be wearing from a costume store.

-If you are a mom, don't give an "okay" for your daughter to wear something because she is young enough in innocence to not really understand the dangers of her costume and how it can lead others to lust after her (keep in mind once again that the average age for prostitutes in the U.S. is 13).

-You are the one who gets the final say. if they scream or make excuses about it (or get dramatic on you), use tough love and let them know how much you care about them and have their best interests in mind. It won't be easy at all, but it will be worth while. Maybe they won't understand it now and will complain to their friends about it, but as they grow and learn about life, they might turn out to appreciate you highly (I did this with my mom...fought and fought and complained but now am grateful). They are to obey you, and it is more important to be a mom in matters like this, rather than being a friend on their good side. Don't let them get their own way.

-Encourage them to be more creative instead of being sexy fairytale characters that seem to be a big deal this time of year (or that you see in the stores). Things they can create non-sexy costume versions of would be examples like a female Indiana Jones (or characters from other movies that are guy roles, if that's cool with you), The Orbit Gum Girl, A fairy princess (with a knee-length or longer skirt), a Chef, A 40s/50s waitress, a gnome, Samara/Sadako from The Ring, A Safari Explorer, An angel, A sailor, Snoopy (or girl Peanuts characters), Bella from Twilight (afteall, she does wait until marriage for sex!), non-sexy fairytale characters, A granny, Joan of Arc, Martha Stewart, and the list could really go on and on

Feel free to list your own creative ideas, so readers can have more inspiration!!!

[Non-sexy Snow White photos by Ida sofie]

Book Review - Porn Nation: Conquering America's #1 Addiction

2010-10-15T08:28:00.002-04:00

Michael Leahy starts his book off with his own personal addictive issues to sex and pornography that he had, beginning with the root of when he first encountered pornography and masturbation up through his internet pornography obsession and eventual affair. He mentions that he had a constant need to feed his addiction; keeping it a secret from everyone and fooling everyone. It was really well told and interesting to learn of his perspective of the person he used to be.

There is a chapter of the book where he included journal entries from his wife during the time that he became slightly more open with his problems. It was really amazing to read what their children experienced and how she felt throughout that time. It was definitely difficult on her, and sadly ended in a divorce.

He ends the first half of this book about how he was able to escape his 30 year addiction through Jesus' help, after deciding he would end his life - but instead decided to start a new life right as he was preparing to end it. He explains the law of increase/decrease "What you feed grows, and what you starve dies"; the more that he would be around a sense of community of godly people, to pursue his relationship with Jesus, and work on fixing the broken relationships he had - the less he would be interested in his pornography. He has been free from his bondage, but it took a lot of work in starving what he constantly fed for thirty years, while neglecting the important things in life like his relationship with Christ and relationship with his family and friends.

-"...as a sex addict feeds his lustful desires what they long for-sexual images, thoughts, fantasies, and experiences-his sexual compulsivity grows. Feed your sexual impulses with sexual experiences, and your sexual impulsiveness and acting-out behaviors increase."
-"...as you're feeding lust and watching it grow, you're also starving love and watching it die. Feed fantasy relationships, and your fantasy world grows. But in the process, you are starving real relationships, and they will begin to die. Feed yourself a steady diet of pornography, and you'll increasingly view women as degraded sex objects-you'll sexualize and objectify all women. And in the process of doing that, you'll have fewer and fewer thoughts and images representing a healthy view of women as caring, loving, feeling individuals worthy of your admiration and respect. As you starve your mind of those healthy images of women, the idea or concept of women being anything but sex objects continues to die and fade away."
-"...For instance, instead of 'feeding' myself sexual images from cable TV or the internet, I'd 'starve' myself of them. And if I found that I was 'starving' myself of healthy relationships by isolating, I would look for opportunities to 'feed' myself by getting more socially involved."

The second half of the book is where he talks about the general statistics and what the mass majority of porn and sexual addicts go through, including the "sex generation" of kids today. I'd like to share a bit of what stood out most in this second half to me (he does have everything cited as well throughout this section).

-"The amount of sexual content on basic cable and network television found that the number of sex scenes nearly doubled between 1998 and 2005."
-"One recent study on teens found that watching sex on television increases the chances a teen will have sex, and may cause teens to start having sex at younger ages."
-"The average American consumer is exposed to over 14,000 sexual images and messages every year, most of which objectify women and base their value on their body shape and size."
-"The average age of first exposure to commercial pornography is somewhere between 11 and 14. But with one in four children in nursery school (ages 3, 4, and 5) going online, that average age is sure to drop."
-"With studies showing us that over 80% of teens age 15-17 have had multiple exposure to hard-core pornography, it's hard to imagine that pornography wouldn't play some role in influencing the sexual attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of this generation."
-"Studies have shown that adolescents who watch television with high levels of sexual content are twice as likely to initiate sexual intercourse and also more likely to initiate other sexual activities. And teens with high levels of exposure to rap videos, which often promote drug use, violence, and sex, are significantly more likely to acquire an STD."
-"27% of teens between the ages of 13 and 16 are now sexually avtive. In fact, over half of teens ages 15-19 say they've had oral sex, and nearly half (42% of guys and 33% of girls ages 15-17) have had intercourse."
-Girls see 400 advertisements per day telling them how they should look.
-"The Kaiser Family Foundation found that 60% of teens cited that 'many of their friends had already done it' as a factor influencing their decision to have sex, and a similar number believed that their peers think having sex by age 15 is socially acceptable."
-"59% of girls age 12-19 agree that society tells them that attracting boys and acting sexy is one of the most important things girls can do."

This quote especially stood out to me.
"So we trade our history of sexual conservatism and naivety for a new kind of sexual freedom and worldly awareness that commercializes sexuality and turns it into a form of self-abuse. And we look around to see if innocence still exists, all we find are 'barely legal' porn sites and girls 'going wild' for their first time"

The rest of the book discusses how to recognize if you have a sexual addiction, how to approach or admit it, what to do if you do have one, and what you can do to help it. It also gives a lot of information of how the brain works and how the addictions can grow or be fixed in a healthy way.

"As pornography repeatedly triggers intense sexual arousal, our brain produces more and more dopamine, keeping us trapped in an intense cycle that mimics the early stages of infatuation, romance, and lovesickness. Overstimulate the brain with dopamine long and often enough, and the brain will adapt by increasing its tolerance levels. The result of increased tolerance is desensitization, similar to what an alcoholic or drug addict experiences after repeated use and abuse of their drug of choice."

"As long as the relationship between pornographic sexual stimulation and experiencing sexual satisfaction continues, the use of artificial sexual stimulants like pornography and out-of-bounds sexual behaviors (prostitutes, strip clubs, massage parlors, etc) will only serve to increase their sexual compulsivity."

Overall I truly enjoyed reading and learning from Michael Leahy's experience and research on the subject. He goes to various college campuses to discuss and debate with former porn-star Ron Jeremy quite often (which he also talks about in a whole chapter at the end of the book, which was quite interesting to read). It is amazing to see how God can transform and help anyone out of such a long-stemmed addiction. I rate this book with 4 out of 5 stars!

Beautiful You

2010-10-13T00:37:00.003-04:00

Hi. My name is Mellie and this is my story. I hope God can use me through this. If you have any questions, my e-mail is melissamanfredi@att.net

Let's go back to when I was a kid. I was a extremely shy child who didn't talk to anyone that wasn't in my family. It's the classic story of the "weird girl" who got picked on. I was very nice and proper. I had manners and never picked on anyone at my class. I was taught that we were to be kind to our enemies. It got harder as I grew up since I wasn't too concerned with boys or trying to get them to like me. I had crushes, but I was way too shy to even talk to them. I think I just wanted to hold hands with a boy, but nothing too extreme. I did get picked on for it because I wasn't a big sex fiend. I just know God was happy with me and that's all that matters.

In high school, I was homeschooled and I gained a bit of weight. I had a few amazing friends (including Victoria!), but I was depressed. I knew God loved me, but still couldn't figure out why. I felt like a nobody. It took years after this to figure out that God made me and He doesn't make mistakes on creating us.

Fast forward to a few years ago, I joined a commune in Chicago called JPUSA. I met my now husband at the festival they put on and a few years later we got married. We joined a Christian goth band, Leper. We toured and played a lot of shows. It was sad when I would see a lot of girls wearing close to nothing. I wanted to be an example to younger girls that you can be weird and modest all at once. I pray that any of the girls who were suffering from depression in that scene, that their spirits would be lifted.

Also, I need to mention that I was a virgin before I was married. It was very important for me to save myself for my husband. It's something I believe God wants us all to do. It's not that he doesn't want us to have fun. He is protecting us. There are so many emotions rapped up in sex that he doesn't want us to get hurt. It's a union between two people who were wed before the Lord. I can go into this another time :) It honestly wasn't hard for me since I was single for all of my life until I met my husband. I knew God wanted me to be pure, so I stuck to it. I would get sad sometimes because I didn't have a boyfriend, but it became easier once I clung to God. Meeting my husband was a special thing that I didn't expect. It was all in God's timing.

Now we are out of community and live in Wicker Park (Chicago). It's a very fashion focused part of town and I continue to dress modest and be an example (at least try to).

I would love to meet and talk to anyone who is having struggles with self-esteem and loving themselves. God sees you as a princess! Like I said before, feel free to e-mail me at anytime. I have a smart phone, so I can check my mail often.

In God's Love,
Mellie

Go Team Go!

2010-10-06T10:33:00.001-04:00

I was sent a news link yesterday about Cheerleader uniforms worn for a Connecticut high school. People on the squad are asking for less skimpy uniforms. This surprised me at first because It always seemed like people want less and less for Cheerleaders to wear. It doesn't help that people have always made a big deal about Lakers girls and Cowboys cheerleaders. A lot of uniforms look like bathing suits (and they do splits and kicks in these). This however is an article about a high school team captain who went to complain to the school board about how their midriffs should be covered when standing at attention, according to their school regulations.

Ariana Mesaros informed them that she believed the uniform was a bad representation of their school, and stated how embarrassing it is for her to wear the uniform.

The Article also mentioned a case study about how college cheerleader uniforms are more revealing, which creates issues of more cheerleaders developing eating disorders.

My response to this article overall is one with a smile. It is really nice to hear that there are girls willing to fight for a more modest appeal for uniforms that are more commonly looked upon as being skimpy. They are changing the standards a bit from how society seems to want things to be or tells things to be, into about how they feel it should be personally. They want to help change the ideals of society. They can cheer on their team without drawing as much physical attention.

What are your thoughts on cheerleader uniforms? What do you think is the message sent to boys and girls, men and women with the cheerleader uniforms worn (from child uniforms through pro-sport uniforms)?

[photo of 1940s cheerleaders taken from this site]

Look but Don't Touch - Errr. Wrong!

2010-10-02T12:21:00.001-04:00

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." -Matthew 5:28

You've heard it said in movies, TV, and by many people. That "wonderful" phrase that excuses the lust of man which states, "I can look, but won't touch."

Why do people think this is something that is acceptable? (feel free to answer this question in a comment)

Society is raising up our children. The media is feeding messages into our youth that in time become a normal way of life. For instance, I remembering being only 14 years old (8th grade) when the film Titanic came out, but I hadn't even seen it up until a few years ago. Everyone knows about the nude drawing scene. It was brought up often when the film was in theatres. I remember my in-school boyfriend (more like a best friend that had a title than anything) had gone to see it with a couple of his guy friends. When they were talking about the movie in my presence, I said, "Your parents let you see that movie? Even though there is a nude scene?" Since I was only 14, I had just started to develop in body and felt very uncomfortable with my shape, since that is a critical time for a teenage girl and I was used to being mocked for being so behind in development. I remember looking at my boyfriend with my mouth open, curious as to what he thought of the scene. We had been together for about nine months at that point, and we held hands often, but that was pretty much the extent of our physical relationship. In seeing my face, one of his friends said to me later on, "he was really well behaved." and I said, "with what?" and he said, "with that scene in Titanic." and I went up to my boyfriend later on in the day and said, "what did you think of that scene in Titanic?", keep in mind I am a bit of a jealous girl who has always felt I deserved the eyes alone of the person I cared about and loved, which I did love him, even if I was only 14. He gave me the excuse. It was the first time I heard it ever said to me. "I was just watching, it isn't as if I could touch her or anything. I can look, but not touch." I didn't know how to respond to it. I just smiled and said, "Okay." I was a little hurt, but had felt like I had to hold it in. It had bothered me that he saw someone naked, and yet there I was hoping that I could marry him and have him see me naked on our wedding night, as God intended it, but he saw someone else. It made me feel less important to him, or at least that he had been tainted and maybe thirsted for more. I could only imagine how much he may have liked what he saw, especially in comparison to me. It belittled me. I don't know if most girls have felt as tortured as I had, but it was a big deal to me, and should be a big deal to the world.

Because the media makes it so acceptable, and because parents are allowing their children to be "okay" with seeing it so early in life, it is making it harder and harder for people to believe there is nothing wrong with it. I see young girls wearing very tight shirts that are low cut and to them, there is nothing wrong with it, because people can look all they want as long as they aren't going to get physical, granted even that isn't so much of a problem today either to society.

I lived in this idealism for too long that it was okay for guys to look at girls wearing hardly anything as long as they were not trying to hit on the girl. I remember seeing guys in high school dragging around all their Maxim magazines, looking through them rather than paying attention to their lessons. They would whistle when certain girls walked into the class dressed like they were 25, rather than 16. They'd tell the girls, "you're hot!" very openly, even if they had a girlfriend. I never saw anyone complain about it. When I started to date my husband while in high school, I remember seeing him check other girls out (not in school, but at shows we attended where bands played). It bothered me a lot, but some of the time I would let it slide because at least he wasn't going up to them and flirting. Other times I would tell him to stop or that I was bothered by it. I was probably annoying, but so was he in what he was doing. At the same time I remember right after I got married, I hung out with my dear friend Rachel (R-EO Innovator crew member) and two of our friends at a cafe. I wore a hippie designed handkerchief-looking halter shirt that showed all of my back other than the thin straps that tied at the back and all of my belly was exposed. I remember trying to look sexy and get the eyes of the guys, even though I wasn't interested in them at all and was certainly satisfied by my husband, I just figured they could look, but they weren't going to get anything. We were even dancing outside of the cafe, knowing guys were watching. Here I was promoting it, while I hated when my own man would have roving eyes. He was fine with the idea of guys checking me out, because he knew I wasn't going to be into them. This was wrong. This is also what society makes seem alright.

Men need to realize that in looking, sometimes they imagine touching (or other things). Sometimes they don't and just appreciate the form of the body and stare in amazement, but either way, looking does cause damage to their relationships and to themselves. It brings less focus on doing right in the Lord and more on a feel-good selfish desire. In being careful in what we wear, girls can help the men to not lust. In trying to not take a double-take or in looking away when something does come up for a guy where they could lust, they can do their part too and make their girlfriend or wife feel less insecure and more confident in their love for them. When you are looking, especially when you look in front of your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, it is going to hurt them. It shouldn't be something to shrug off as just a part of life when really we're letting ourselves give into the lies of the world. Even if the guy was to say, "They have nothing compared to you," why even look? Why put the images into your brain?

Not only are you hurting each other, but you are certainly hurting God. We have placed our lusts for one another above our love for God or our searching for learning who God is. We've pushed God aside to satisfy ourselves and our pleasures. God has stated that these things are in fact EVIL. Therefore you can't look and can't touch equally.

Ezekiel 6:9 says "...How I have been grieved by their adulterous HEARTS, which have turned away from ME (God), and by their eyes, which have lusted after their idols. They will loathe themselves for the evil they have done and for their detestable practices."

Book Review: Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

2010-09-25T10:27:00.024-04:00

The book Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild is by author Mary A. Kassian. Mary is an internationally world renowned speaker and holds a position of professor at a Southern Baptist Seminary. According to her website she graduated from the faculty of Rehabilitation Medicine from the University of Alberta, Canada and has studied systematic theology at the doctoral level. She is also married to a professional football team Chaplain and has 3 grown boys.

I was shopping around to buy books months ago that would enhance my knowledge and heighten my skills as a youth leader at my local church. When I came across this particular book, I was excited to buy this book and read it because it seemed like it would better equip me with the awareness I needed to aid young girls to walk into the Light of Jesus instead of heading down into the path of destruction.

First, I must tell you it did take me much longer than I expected to read, understand, and grasp the concepts portrayed in this book. Initially, I had the view point that since the age group targeted was more than likely high school and younger, I would solely only take in the information given, trying to find ways to help others apply it in their lives. This was my first big mistake. Kassian was quick to remind me, " Although external appearance and sexual behavior certainly play a part in determining if a particular woman has or hasn't gone wild, the Bible teaches that there's a whole lot more involved than that. What's more, it teaches that Girl-Gone-Wild behavior isn’t restricted to young single women. A woman can be a Girl-Gone-Wild at any stage of life...There is a measure of Girl-Gone-Wildness in all of us." (pg 10-11) So, as days turned into weeks, I found myself being convicted of many key points outlined throughout the chapters that I was personally struggling with in my own life. It soon became clear to me that although this would be a great book to possibly use as an all girl group lesson guide, I needed to take a step down from my "leader" post and settle into a seat of humility in order to be moved and changed by all that the author had to offer for me. Once I did this it was amazing how quickly the Word of God began to change parts of my life I was fighting to hold onto. Parts of my life, that to be honest, I didn't even know were really a problem at all.

Kassian starts off this book by getting straight to business. I like that in a person, no sugary coating, just tell it like it is, but of course in a loving way. I believe that she does this with charm and wit involved throughout. What is the "wild thing" and what makes her so attractive to young girls in our society? That is the big question being tackled in the introduction. She quickly takes the reader through a run down of all the popular "wild things" during each generation of American culture explaining how more boundaries were crossed, clothing & hair styles reflecting her "wildness", and the ever increasing sexual exploits with each era.

She is thorough and complete in defining what wild means and where wild came from. Like the first Girl-Gone-Wild, our Mother Eve fell into the temptations of thinking she had the right to make decisions without trusting or obeying God. This was Eve's first mistake. She decided to live by own merits and rules without looking to the Lord for guidelines and just taking Him at His word. As daughters of Eve, we too "are born with Girl-Gone-Wild tendencies and most experience bitterness, pain, and even death in our relationships."

Kassian then goes on to explain that her idea for this book was inspired from the scripture passages in Proverbs 5:1, 5-6; 7:6-27 which is about the adulterous woman. We don't know if we are a Girl-Gone-Wild and she has a fool proof outline for checking yourself against God's Word. The book outlines 20 different points of contrast between the Girl-Gone-Wild (adulterous woman of Proverbs 7) and how to become a Girl-Gone-Wise by applying other scriptures from both the New and Old Testaments to your daily life. Here are the 20 points:

Heart: What Holds First Place in Her Affections
Counsel: Where She Gets Her Instruction
Approach: Who Directs Her Love Story
Attitude: Her Prevailing Disposition
Habits: Her Priorities and Routines
Focus: What Commands Her Attention
Appearance: How She Adorns Herself
Body language: Her Nonverbal Behavior
Roles: Her Pattern of Interaction
Sexual conduct: Her Sexual Behavior
Boundaries: Her Hedges and Precautions
Authenticity: Her Public Versus Private Persona
Neediness: Whom She Depends on to Fulfill Her Longings
Possessions: How She Handles Her Money and Resources
Entitlement: Her Insistence on Gratification
Reliability: Her Faithfulness to Commitments
Speech: Her Speech Habits
Influence: Her Impact on Others and Their Impact on Her
Sustainability: Her Ability to Nurture and Sustain a Relationship
Teachability: Her Willingness to Be Corrected and Instructed

The first chapter begins with the lesson regarding the female heart. With this we read Proverbs 5:5-6, "Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it." The author makes a clear connection for us about how woman's feet and their hearts are intertwined. Kassian states "the idiom "swept her off her feet indicates that there is a strong connection between a girl's heart and her feet." (pg 24) So, this is the first "contrast" she makes between the Girl-Gone-Wild and the Girl-Gone-Wise. "A wise woman gives the Lord Jesus Christ first place in her heart. Her feet follow the inclination of her heart, so she makes cautious, wise, godly decisions about her relationships with men."(pg 24) She goes on to say that "A wild woman, on the other hand, does not have Christ at the center of her affections...Her relationship to Christ is peripheral, shoved off to the side somewhere." (pg 24)

But as you continue reading, Kassian asserts that defining the difference between the two is never cut and dry. She reminds the reader that "although her steps wander, the Wild Thing of Proverbs is a very religious woman who moves in religious circles. Nowadays, you might find her at a youth group, on the worship team, in a Bible study, on a mission trip, or teaching Sunday school. She could be the leader of the women's ministry in your church. Or the speaker at your next women's retreat. She could be me. She could be you. On the surface, the Wild Thing does a lot of things right...She lives a religious life, but does not love Jesus wholeheartedly."

I must say that as the chapters progressed this is pretty much the way each one went along. I had to sit down and force myself to take the time to check and recheck myself as I read. I was looking up whole passages to make she Kassian was aligned in what she wrote about and was impressed each time by her use of scripture. The truths of the Gospel of Christ were jam packed into the pages of this book from beginning to end and not in a tight neat package. She consistently explains everything with details and with great use of examples to aid the reader in understanding God's word and how it is important to their life today. There were days I knew I needed to repent due to the oftentimes gentle but occasionally harsh feelings of conviction that flooded my heart.

Kassian's book is meant for any woman at any age who is looking to help get their heart right with God. She writes, "Girls-Gone-Wise cry out, as David did, "O Lord, teach me how you want me to live! Then I will obey your commands. Make me wholeheartedly committed to you!" (Psalm 86:11NET)" This is a book to change your heart and your life. She even goes so far as to offer application questions for free on her website for you to answer after finishing each chapter's reading. I highly recommend this book.

Purity Rings

2010-09-22T12:32:00.000-04:00

In the entertainment world there is news about Joe Jonas being seen without a purity ring he tends to always wear. He and his brothers were raised in a Christian environment, and their father used to be a pastor. The Jonas brothers were known for wearing their rings at all times because they vowed to wait for marriage for sex. To me this is really great that they were in the public eye and able to stand up for purity in a very hard environment (the pressures of fame). One brother is married and therefore doesn't wear his ring anymore, but Joe, who dated many girls, has been seen with Twilight Saga's Ashley Greene. Since their relationship began the ring is noted to be missing from his hand.

Isn't it interesting how so many people will look out for when people fail at something they really believe in and is probably a huge struggle for them? I remember when I wore my purity ring that my mother bought me for my 16th birthday. I loved that ring and it meant so much to me. People would comment about how nice it was. When I started dating later in that same year, I just recall tons of people coming up to me to make sure I was still wearing the ring. I suppose with someone who asked about the ring, gossip went around and I became a joke. They called me "Virgin Vicki" or "Vicki the Virgin". I became so proud that I would push it around in people's faces as if I was better than them.

If you have or want to have a purity ring, just make sure that you do not gloat about it. You aren't better than anyone. Yes, it is a symbol of a vow you make to your future mate, yourself, and especially to God. People will take note about it. Keep in mind that when you do talk about being pure, people are either going to appreciate what you are doing, or make bets to see how long it will take before you stop wearing your ring. I had people who did both when I wore my ring.

Sadly my ring got all bent out of shape (it was just a blue topaz ring that I wore every day for a bit over two years, so it is expected anyway) and started to hurt my finger. In a way I believe it was significant (the damage done to it) because I was being sexual with my boyfriend (now husband). When after a year and a half of fighting the temptations during the beginning of our relationship, once we gave into temptation, I wore my ring upside down (the stones by the inside palm rather than sticking up as normal). People noticed. Because the ring got so bent up I eventually stopped wearing it (as well as being upset with myself for being deceptive). People left me alone and didn't push it in my face that I failed. That surprised me. Problem is I didn't need them to point it out anyway. I felt like a failure. I let everyone down. Your choices sadly will hurt many people. I even lost a friendship during that time because I let them down with my decision.

In regards to Joe Jonas, if he did lose his virginity, I pray that he is fighting for purity still and not easily giving into the temptations of lust. I pray that he will be more concerned about doing right for the Lord, rather than giving into his fleshly desires. It is very hard for someone to be pure in our world today. It is such a blessing to hear so many positive stories from my friends and people who have talked to me that mention how they were virgins in marriage. That is something to be very proud of. They obeyed Christ. They fought the pressures around them. That's awesome. If you are single and have given into any sexual pleasures at all, just know that there is still hope for you. There is always a way out of temptation! You can pursue God and purity through your relationship with Him so that you won't falter again in the future.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Corinthians 10:13

If you are interested in getting a purity ring, or to learn more information about them. You can purchase one here, here, and here.

What do you think about purity rings? Do you yourself wear one? What do you tell people when they ask about it? What is their reaction?

At the Heart of Profanity

2010-09-18T11:18:00.002-04:00

I've noticed a trend lately. One I'm not particularly fond of. Teenage girls have been uttering profanities in everyday conversations more and more without thinking twice about it. You can turn on the TV to an episode of practically anything and hear more bleeps than actual conversations. Or morning radio shows which make for riding in the car with children difficult when the topic is, "Telling your boyfriend how it really is." But truthfully you can just stand in line at the local store and hear them boldly spewing out words that would make your grandmother gasp.

We are living in a society that used to shun foul language. A mother would threaten to wash her son's mouth out with soap if he dared to speak so inappropriately again. This reminds me of the movie A Christmas Story when Ralphie curses out the neighborhood boy and his mother overheard him, he had to sit in the bathroom with the bar of soap in his mouth as punishment. But words that were once thought to be too risque for a man to speak let alone a woman, hold no bars for the women of today's hip evolving culture. Our society now praises young women (and men) for "speaking their mind." You are apt to hear vulgarities everywhere and not surprisingly, even in younger generations as parents are not so quick to discipline their children. You even see curse words in advertisements, and truthfully, they aren't trying to be subtle. I found an article from the New York Times that talks about commercials and just how far they are pushing the limits with use of profanity in everyday advertising.

I have become deeply saddened by this new fad currently effecting our adolescents, and in fact effecting every part of my everyday world. What was once something I thoughtlessly took engaged in is now something I take offense to. What is causing such bright and talented young women of today to so carelessly choose a vocabulary that doesn't properly reflect who they are? Or is it just that that their vocabulary is exactly who they are and what they are becoming?

An argument I see constantly from young girls is that cursing or swearing is not a bad thing and that they can say whatever they want to. That regardless of how their words sound to others/affect other people around them, is not often in the forefront of their mind. It's just "how they talk" and the listener must "deal with it." In their defense, I understand why they feel this way seeing as how we Americans are brought up to know such freedoms, one being free speech. But, this argument fails to hold ground against the Word of God.

When looking at profanity from a Biblical perspective, you can see countless times in scripture we are told that the words which come forth from our mouths are directly related to the condition of our hearts. Jesus told the people in Matthew 15:10-11 "...Listen and understand. What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.' " Here in this passage Jesus was clarifying to the Pharisees what exactly made a man clean and unclean. He explained that dirty hands before eating a meal did not make a man unclean, nor did the food which enters the mouth and goes into the stomach. What makes us unclean, He continued on, is the evil in our hearts which come out of our mouths. He told the Pharisees how the heart is full of "evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander" and those are things which make a man unclean. We can clearly see that when someone has a problem with vulgar language, it isn't always that they have a bad habit, (another excuse used time and time again.) So, what exactly is going on with all of these young ladies and what can be done about it?

Now you might think I'm blowing this issue way out of proportion and that your heart isn't evil and that saying a few improper words with your friends now and then isn't so bad. You might also be thinking that as long as you're not taking the Lord's name in vain, you're not sinning either, so no harm is being done. But unfortunately, I would need to tell you that you are wrong. And here's why. From a Biblical standpoint, we have been made into the likeness of Christ. We are now His witness to others in the world. We are clearly told in Scripture that praises and curses cannot come from the same mouth. (James 3:9-12) To utter profanities one moment and praises to Jesus the next is to do God a disservice. We must always be trying to renew ourselves and checking to make sure how we act/talk is aligned with God's word. From a realistic point of view, cursing can be perceived as lazy and come across as highly offensive. To the person engaged in conversation with you, it seems as though you cannot come up with a better choice of words and that you have a limited vocabulary hence, you might look uneducated. It oftentimes also might be interpreted as immature, and can set a bad example to those around you. Also, be reminded that foul language can get you into a whole mess of trouble.

Lets look at James 3:5-6 "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." Here, James is explaining how a small body part like the tongue is able to do great damage. He compares the tongue to a fire. He evens goes so far as to say it, "is itself set on fire by hell." Whoa, that's deep. Obviously we are dealing with a dangerous little body part. James makes a point of warning us that it is an evil of its own among all the body parts, corrupting the entire person. Have you ever actually felt dirty or unclean after someone has spoken in a foul or disrespectful manner towards you or you towards them? This is what James means when he tells us how the tongue can "corrupt the whole person." Feeling unclean goes back to our original verse (Matthew 15:10-11) of how the uncleanness comes from evil in our hearts. The tongue is just the evil body part that eagerly spit fires all the evil that's stored in our hearts. We can clearly see we are dealing with a double dose of trouble. Not only do we have to get a handle on the evil in our hearts, but we have to learn to control our tongues because they are themselves "set on fire by hell." So, wow I know it's obviously not easy... but too often I hear how people just can't do it, or they just can't be bothered to learn some self control. But, here James explains that someone who does not learn to control their own tongue will ruin their life. He makes this clear by saying, "it sets the whole course of his life on fire."

So, where does this evil come from? Luke 6:43-45 states "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." What exactly does this verse mean? Well Jesus wasn't exactly talking about fresh and rotten fruit. More specifically we can tell a person's inside (heart) by their outside (actions). From the start I asked why so many young women were speaking in ways that didn't properly reflect who they are, or possibly it is that their choice in vocabulary is exactly who they are? This is what Jesus was referring to in this passage. "Each tree is recognized by its own fruit," really means that we can easily recognize people by the fruits they produce in daily living. I'm sure on more than one occasion we've all heard someone say, "I only peeked at a few of the answers she had written down, that doesn't mean I'm a cheater." Jesus would disagree. When a person cheats it is because he is a cheater, when a person lies it is because he is a liar, and when a person steals it is because they are a thief, etc. This also applies to the type of language you chose to allow to come out of your mouth. We will only produce on the outside what is forming on the inside. But unfortunately, too many people today are trying to trick us into believing they are something they aren't. Young women want to act one way in front of certain people and another way in front of others. This looks good for a while, but you can only hang apples on an evergreen tree for so long until someone notices. Jesus is saying that the true test of a person’s character is in what you say and the way you talk when your guard is down, when you are relaxed and the words are freely flowing out of your mouth. Anyone can look and sound good for the short term or when pretending to be something she is not. It is amazing how people can clean up their speech. "Out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." Who we really are on the inside is revealed when we set aside the script, quit acting and behave straight from the heart. It is how we speak to our friends and to our family members. It is what we think when we are alone.

Now, I don't want to just leave you hanging on that thought. I want to offer a proactive way to help your heart, which will in time clean up your mouth. So if you are struggling with this behavior issue in your life and are for the first time realizing it is becoming a problem, I would ask that you surrender it into the control of the Holy Spirit. I do understand something like that is a lot easier said than done. Paul wrote in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." He obviously understood how hard it is when you honestly desire to do good but continue to fail. But this is why it's so wonderful that we have a forgiving and loving God.

If your ambition is taming your tongue, I ask that you would thoughtfully try to seek Jesus out during this time. First, I suggest that you start reading through Scripture. The Bible has effective ways of changing your heart if you allow. Give yourself the opportunity to grow and be moved by it. Next, be consciously aware of the words you speak. By this I mean carefully examine and choose your words during conversations. Thoughtfully avoid anything inappropriate. And if you slip up, don't beat yourself up.. keep on trying. Lastly, and most importantly PRAY. Prayer is a powerful tool that will allow God to work inside your heart. This will begin by changing the way you think about the world and how those views come forth from your mouth. I know you'll be pleasantly surprised to see just how thorough and efficient the Lord is when it comes to this or anything else you ask for help with. Also remember to surround yourself with people that will be encouraging and uplifting to you while you are seeking to "produce good fruit" in your life.

The Breast, I mean BEST Solution

2010-09-16T16:06:00.003-04:00

We are all aware that the female form does gain far too much attention, especially breasts.

I want to discuss implants.
Why do people want them? Have you ever wanted them?
I have. only when I felt like listening to the lies of Satan telling me I'm not good enough as I am. It is not a solution.

Before I was married, I thought my boyfriend (now hubby) was more interested in large bosoms which never made it easy on me to accept my own (at first). I remember all the boys mocking me for being quite small in bust. It was pretty tormenting, but I don't think they realized it hurt as much as it did. I used to even feel a connection to a character from a movie. The 1960s movie Gidget with Sandra Dee had a scene where she was doing exercises to enhance her bust in order to look more like a babe instead of a child to draw attention from her crush when she was surfing. Being highly teased and sensitive with that area of my body at 14 years old, I used to attempt the same exercises. My mom told me back in the 60s when she was a teen, she too used to used to do that. It of course was a bunch of bologna! When I was 19 I thought that maybe being hot meant having larger breasts. Therefore I went out and purchased $65 pills that would naturally enhance them. Thing is they did work for a time; slightly, but not unless I continued to buy these pills, which I hadn't the money for.

Here's why my husband has told me about large breasts and the fascination men have with them. He said that because he grew up in society that made a huge deal about them all the time, he thought that is what he should have gone for too, and yes it did turn him on, but normal and smaller busts did too. Men too listen to the lies of society around them. I think men really do prefer reality over a fantasy. If they don't, give them time to wake up to the truth.

A year ago I noticed that in intros for 1980s films, or just in scenes of movies, many of the "hot girls" mentioned had natural sized bosoms of all sizes. This really made me feel happy in that aspect. Sure it was still a lust issue for men, but at least they were real. At least it was that they just wanted a girl who had them at all, regardless of size. What changed?

I looked up some history about implants[a]. A hundred years ago, they attempted to create implants but continually failed. They would either use wax or fat injections. The improvements in science in the sixties changed the wax substance a little, but still were not truly working. They used more spongy materials in the 50s, and more wax based ones in the 60s. We can blame Frank Gerow and Thomas Cronin for creating the first successful implant for breasts in 1962, when the first woman ever received a pair of her own to live life in. Unfortunately the material used was polyurethane foam, which would dissolve in the body and caused breast cancer. Silicone was such a problem that in 1988, they removed it from the market and replaced it with saline. Once the 1990s came around, the surgeries boomed!

The 1990s. What a freaky decade, in my opinion. It is when big breasts pretty much changed the world. It also is responsible for the gigantic pornography industry that has boomed even more since the internet came at large. The connections between the two are a problem in itself. This sadly is part of what has created the fact that today's young male teens and up through people in their early 40s probably are the largest statistics for people who choose fake over real. When you start so early on in life by looking at photos of women who have implants, and when society makes a huge deal (the media of course being the worst) about the size, it becomes this fad for men to want them as badly as they want the newest (or classiest) type of car. They just feel they need them.

Are there men who aren't into big breasts? Probably quite a few, but maybe not the majority, but this is what discourages women so very much! The more that men make it seem like breasts matter too highly, the more women feel so down about themselves, that they feel they need to get implants in order to get attention from their man, especially if they know that is what his eyes lust over most. They feel so hurt. They feel so rejected. They don't feel comfortable in their own skin.

Let me tell you the truth though women. If you have small breasts or large breasts, it doesn't matter at all to a guy. Most men are not going to want to love you or marry you because of the size of your bosoms. If they fall in love with you, they go for the package deal no matter how large or small you are anywhere. If they make you feel lousy about yourself, then they need to get out of their fantasy worlds and start seeing the incredible beauty in front of them. They need to stop drooling and lusting over other people. If they love you, it is going to be for you - with all your flaws. Most men won't be able to explain their fascination with size, but at the same time in reality, they really don't care about size. They actually usually would prefer to have a woman with real natural breasts no matter what size they are over some fantasy fascination lustful object - and they will get very turned on by you. All of your body no matter how "flawed" you feel it is. They hope that you will want to accept them in the same way, rather than telling them you want them to look like the modern poster boy Johnny Bravo. They have self image issues too. They are not going to be happy if you prefer to check out a guy who seems buff if they aren't. It will make them feel lowly about themselves just as you will feel lowly about yourself for when you see them go wild for someone else.

Let's go to some passages being shared about the intimacy between a husband and wife!
"I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment." -Song of Solomon 8:10

My overall message here is that if you want to care about other people at all, which you should, rather than be selfish, start embracing who you are and what you have (but please don't flaunt them, that is also insensitive to others). For women who feel so hurt by their boyfriends or husbands who lust over others: tell them rather than making it seem like you don't really care. There is no way you don't care. You deserve better than that. Be real. Stay real. Don't make a plunge to get implants. For women who like the attention they get because they have bigger busts, don't show them off. Think about who's relationship you might be hurting by allowing people to objectify your breasts. I knew girls who would bounce around on purpose in middle school because they had them before everyone else and got a lot of eyes from guys that way. Sadly some girls only get worse with flaunting what they have as they get older, as if it is a fun game because they know it is easy to tease guys (because it is). If you want to have respect, respect others. If you are proud of them, wait for your wedding night to have them glorified alone by your husband. They'll get the attention they deserve then, by the person they're meant for alone.

"Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies." -Song of Solomon 4:5

For women who are small in bust, don't fear. You will be glorified more than you think when your body will satisfy your husband. For those who have husbands or boyfriends who have lust problems or seem to prefer large bosoms: they would prefer you. If they pressure you to go bigger, don't listen because they are in a fantasy world where nothing will ever be enough for them. For all you know they'll miss what you had and realize they were idiots. They are listening to the lies of Satan. They need to work on their lust issues. It won't be easy at all. For men who seem to have such a huge attraction to big breasts or have a need to search on the internet for larger breasts: think about the person that you care and love. Think about caring more about your spiritual desires before your fleshly desires. In listening to the Holy Spirit over your flesh, you will see true satisfaction. Sames goes for women. Think on God and have faith in Him, for he will make you radiant and much more worthy in every way. We need to stop making idols of our vanity and selfish desires.

I share with you one very beautifully described passage of how sex and pleasure of each other's bodies should be in and through marriage between them alone. the whole springs overflowing is something I've always felt to say that a man should not masturbate - just food for thought when you read this, because those springs should be for your wife to enjoy men:
"Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly." - Proverbs 5:16-23

photos from: Marcella Treybig & A Day To Adore

Blogger Feature: à la Modest

2010-09-13T12:16:00.000-04:00

I have been reading Rachel's blog for a few months now and have built a good friendship with her through our blogs and connection through Christ. Her blog is called à la Modest where she is constantly showing her fashionable side with a mix of her love for Jesus, modesty, films & music. Make sure you stop by and follow her blog entries as she makes them.

I asked her a couple questions so you can get to know her!

1. Can you just tell us a bit about yourself?

Hi! My name is Rachel Dahl, and I am the person behind a la Modest (alamodest.com). I am a 23-year-old web and graphic designer and housewife married to a handsome and talented man named Rob. Although my husband and I both share a love of music, movies, good food, and puns, our love for God comes first. A big part of our testimony involves issues with past sexual purity involving his fight with pornography and mine with insecurity. I believe God made us quite a match by having two different people with such strongly related battles come together, using us to stand up against what used to ensnare us and leading us to want to help other people do the same. With the help of daily scriptural meditation and sound advice and accountability from helpful people, Rob was able to be free from pornography by completely (within his power) removing things that tempted him sexually, which included removing the internet altogether at first, then movies with nudity and a lot of sexual content. A lot of this was guided by a wonderful website called Setting Captives Free. In my past history of insecurity battles involving anorexia and low self-esteem, I was able to find solace and worth in the eyes of God, who provided me with a husband sold out to Him and strongly against anything that might ruin our relationship together. I was and am really thankful to the Lord for His gift of companionship!

Modesty seeped its way into my clothing, because it made a lot of sense to keep my body from being more of a temptation by covering up areas of my body that show me off sexually. Not one man is immune from a woman's enticing body, whether they admit it or not, so it's helpful to have certain areas of a woman's body covered up to help keep men from working too hard to avoid rubber necking and lusting after something they should never have or God never intended for them to have. Even single men shouldn't be indulging in visual sexuality, because exercising self-control is a learned practice, and self-control with God's help keeps both men and women from being trapped by their own weaknesses. Most men really don't like having to fight too hard to look away from other women they shouldn't be looking at, so single women and girls (not just married women) shouldn't add to their problem by dressing provocatively. I don't think anyone is really strong enough to avoid temptation on their own. God provided help dealing with our lustful nature through scripture, including displaying sexuality only within the bounds of marriage, and through accountability from other people's encouraging us to flee from sexuality outside of that marital covenant. Modesty is one of the ways we help keep each other from lusting or desiring the body of a person we are not committed to, and that applies to both men and women.

2. What do you like best about creating a modest outfit to wear?

The first time I chose to dress modestly, I did not have a lot of fun doing it, to be honest! It used to seem like more of a strict prohibition than a personal, meaningful decision. Now that I have grown to be stronger in my journey and fight against sexuality in clothing, dressing up has never been so much fun! The feeling was like when you first become a Christian and you start to feel boxed in, then you realize the truth that you actually have more real and lasting freedom in Christ by being free from the bondage of sin. Now, I just think I've expanded my creativity with clothes to a much higher level by not adopting trendy clothing in general, especially clothing with skin- and shape-showy tailoring. This idea, to me, is like opening up a whole new center in my brain where loopholes get created around the current fashion, and this center reinvents style through tasteful, modest clothing. I have always been creative (but not always neat) with arts and crafts and have always seen myself with a good eye for design. I thank God for my this bent. He is a creative God from whom all creation came, so I feel that it is not lavish in any way to express your creativity through clothing, just as long as you do it in a way that pleases God. You know something pleases God if what you do is in line with scripture, and dressing provocatively is aiding to cause somebody out there to stumble sexually in their minds, which the Bible speaks out clearly against.

As far as the process of what I do each day when I pick out what to wear, I like to look back on what inspires me. My interest in vintage clothing came from my affinity for previous decades' cultures, from their music to their traditionalist ways of living. Mentioning indie as part of my style is just my way of categorizing what else in my look doesn't fit the norm, usually involving colorful palettes, layers, and asymmetry. Then, I simply just throw something on!

What can I do when my spouse/boyfriend looks at Pornography?

2010-09-09T10:04:00.001-04:00

Did you find some porn in the web history or on the computer? Did you find porn magazines or DVDs in the house? Or maybe you just found out because they admitted their struggle to you. How will this make you feel and what can you do about it?

One thing is to pray. Prayer has the most amazing and intense healing power for any sinfulness.

If you catch them in a hole with proof of what they've been doing (by finding such things), tell them in a gentle way that you found things lingering around. Hopefully their addiction is only as far to the point where they are not trying to act it out or cheat on you physically with a person. At the same time, if you are married, they committed adultery in their heart, which is a hard hit to take.

One thing that Lynsie (co-founder) always brings up to me when we discuss pornography with one another is that when one watches or looks at pornography, you are sinning in watching others also sin. It is a double sin. On top of that, something that I like to make a point of is that the high majority of people who are in pornography are being abused (yes, Pornstars too), forced into it against their will or threatened to be involved (at least the hard-core type, maybe not so much with the soft-core, but that also is a factor for many).

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not form the Father but from the world." -1 John 2:15-17

If you have a boyfriend with a porn addiction: Don't dump him immediately. Try to see if he is willing to work on it. Have him gain an accountability partner with someone who can help them (I suggest a Christian who is filled with the Holy Spirit to the extent of having absolutely not interest or issues with lust, preferably an adult-if they are a teenager). If he still hides his sin and if he isn't willing to do anything but make excuses for what he does, so that you see no heart in his care for you, then maybe breaking away from that person is a good idea, just for the fact that it will only get harder for you. Marriage will not fix their pornography and lust problems no matter how much they or you believe it will. Only their ability to see their fault and be willing to change and to hate it so much that they will work on it, is going to truly help. The Holy Spirit is probably truly the only way that they will be moved enough to stop. Porn addiction is compared to heroin addiction, where it is just very very hard to cut out, let alone deal with the withdrawal. If anything they need support and love to get through their issues, because leaving them automatically will cause them to put their angers and frustrations out through pornography. It will cause them to just dig deeper into their sin and repeat the whole mess when they get into a new relationship. Do not give yourself to them sexually, thinking that will help your relationship and cure them from looking at porn, this instead will just make a new struggle for you both by choosing to be impure before marriage. Also never look at pornography with them to help the issue, then that will mean you are both sinning together in watching others sin. It is going to make matters worse and you'll feel empty and more lousy about yourself in thinking that you need porn to boost your relationship.

Masturbation is wrong. No matter how many times people including Christians will state it is okay, that is wrong. It drives you further away from the Lord. I remember growing up and my brothers freely talked about masturbation around me and my mother, when I was very young. They were truly perverse with talking about it. My mom never told them or me that it was wrong, and I brought it up to her recently, and she said she should have told us. It causes you to want a quick fix instead of wanting to enjoy your future mate/current spouse. It causes you to think more about yourself than the person that you are to share your body with sexually in marriage. It drives you away from the true intimacy that marriage is supposed to have in pleasuring one another.

"Flee from sexual Immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

If you have a spouse with an addiction to pornography: I found a statistic that stated that 50% of Christian men admit that they have a porn problem, 20% women admitted to it. A lot of marriages fail because of sexual sins. It might start out in pornography, but going to strip clubs, having sexual instances with other people, sex tourism and sex with prostitutes are a major big step that men make in marriage. It doesn't help that society makes it seem like it is not a big deal, it is everywhere in the media, and there are advertisements, music videos, and the fact that sin is just so heavy in the world - that it reaches out so easily to someone who has cravings for sexual needs to be fulfilled.

What you need to realize is that they have a disease, but this disease is curable. They need to be able to be around other men who can share their problems and help encourage one another. They need to first admit their fault to Jesus, and their need for healing, Then they need to secondly tell you and be willing to work on it. You need to listen to them, hear them out and why it was important to tell you. If you caught them, hopefully they will be open to fixing the issues in your marriage. It is going to be very hard to trust them again, and they need to be understanding of that. One thing I highly encourage for any boy or man who has pornography struggles is to have them destroy anything that causes you to sin. If you have certain movies that have not helped them in the issue, encourage them to throw it out. If they have magazines, encourage them to throw them out. If the internet is a problem, suggest that the get rid of their computer (as hard as that might be, it is necessary if you need to be healed and have your relationships be more important than your addictions and selfish desires).

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." -1 Corinthians 7:3-5

If you have to take computers with you, game consoles, phones - anything that they can't be trusted to be alone with, they need to be willing to understand that in order for them to be healed and for your relationship to be worked on, they can't have those things. It is very hard for them to give up a lot of the freedoms they are used to, but it is for their and your benefit. If they are not willing to do that, I suggest sexual rehabilitation programs or/and Christian counseling (non-Christian ones might make excuses and might blame you for not giving enough sexually to your husband, but that is a lie. Even if you are being very sexual with them or not, it is their fault for giving into their temptations). You may even have to know how long it takes for them to get to and from work so that they don't stop anywhere on the way there and home. You're going to have to keep tabs on them, but it is worth it. It is always worth fighting to save your relationship with your spouse.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." -James 1:12

It might take years for them to get through their issues. If you start to trust them and give them some freedom, they need to be honest with you and say when they are tempted. If they sin, they also need to be honest with you. If they are lying, pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal it to you in some way or that they will feel guilty enough to share it. It is going to be very tough on them, but if they aren't willing to listen to God and change their habits, don't give up on prayer. Stick with your husband. Don't leave him. He needs you more than you realize. If you can't handle it, get people involved to help. It is for your marriage's sake. Again, counseling is helpful if needed, because it is a humble thing to admit to another where you went wrong.

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband; But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." -1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Encourage your husband or boyfriend to share his problems and struggles with others. Confessing these things will help heal him. Encourage them to be devoted to prayer and to read their Bibles. They should hang around other Christian men, rather than non-Christian men, because the Christian brother will help them and will know when sin is truly sin, while the non-Christian men will make excuses and will lead them further astray.

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years." -James 5:15-17

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You are going to personally feel rejected, not good enough, ugly, and will look down on yourself for their sins. It isn't your fault. Although the hurt is going to be quite large, continue to pray and seek God. It is going to be what keeps you strong through your thoughts of neglect. They know they have hurt you. They know that they have made it tough for you. Hopefully they will cherish you enough to never allow the pain to grow. Forgive them. Love them. This is what Jesus wants us to do.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." -Matthew 6:14-15

The Blind Project

2010-09-07T12:20:00.000-04:00

This weekend I went to Revelation Generation, a 2 day festival filled with music. In between sets, they often shared ads on their movie screens for organizations. The Blind Project was one of them. I also had the opportunity to talk to a woman that works for them, which was really wonderful. Their organization helps restore jobs to young girls and women who have been sexually exploited and forced into prostitution. They try to spread awareness about the growing problem of slavery/human trafficking in our world, specifically their work is focused in Southeast Asia. They also work alongside Nightlight, an organization I've been familiar with for three years.

It is organizations like this that really are beautiful and should be acknowledged more. They are working hard at helping the oppressed and are helping people open their eyes to the horrors of what goes on in our world. People (children younger than you could imagine) who truly have been abused over and over each day are in need of help. We need to realize this growing problem in our society and world. We need to put an end to it and help those who are crying out to be saved from treacherous abuses.

Please take the time to watch this and please visit The Blind Project's website. They have a great contest right now to be a biographer (designing t-shirts to tell the stories of what these children go through).

The Blind Project - Jellyfish Beginnings from The Blind Project on Vimeo.

Phone/Text/Webcam Sex

2010-09-03T12:01:00.001-04:00

The other night I was blown away by a conversation that I couldn't help but overhear, because the girl was talking loudly. I was in line waiting for some ice cream while the girl next to me was talking to her friend who worked at the shoppe. She was talking about a different friend who works for a false company (only caught part of the name) that sounds like a financial business. This girl works for this place where she has her own webcam set up and does live phone-sex but with her webcam, and sometimes with her phone. The girl who was talking looked to be about 19 or 20, so I assume her friend was also in that range. This girl was discussing her friend who so openly informed her of her job, as if what she does was not a problem. Thankfully the friend talking seemed appalled at her friend. She told her "why would you want to do that?" and the girl shrugged it off saying she made $150 an hour, so that is why she did it. I walked away and was so sad for this young woman and prayed for her as I walked back to my car.

If this was happening to someone locally, how many people do it who are younger or her age all around our country, let alone the world? What is this telling young girls? What is this telling the men/boys who will watch these things?

"A man of perverse heart does not prosper" - Proverbs 17:20a

Do not allow any person to tell you what to do sexually - especially when you don't know who they are. Do not expose yourself without shame, as if you are just having a little fun.

"A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good. He who winks with his eye is plotting perversity; he who purses his lips is bent on evil." -Proverbs 16:29-30

From my own personal experience, I can say that I have done something like this but for free and to strange guys (only a handful thankfully) I didn't really know too well over the internet. Years later I realize how wrong I was and how the memory of me might still be with them, as the memory is of me exposing myself to someone who really didn't care to cherish me or love me like a husband is meant to cherish his wife. To do it for money just demoralizes you even further. You are not to be a commodity, but a woman of self worth and value. To show yourself off in such a way actually devalues your self worth. Your body is to be kept pure for your future mate to only enjoy. This is something that will be wonderful. Only he will be able to know the lines and curves of your body. It is personal, yet people are making it very impersonal.

Psalm 101:3&4 "I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. Men of perverse heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with evil."

When a man is willing to want to just be a voyeur and watch a woman undress herself and tells her to do certain things, he is devaluing that woman. There he is behind his little computer screen, thinking and doing who knows what, and you can't just let yourself be treated like a window display. You are not only doing wrong in causing this person to give into his lustful desires as well, but you might be opening dangerous doors and don't know if there is a way that they can become stalkers, rapists, murders. It may all seem innocent, but you don't truly know the hearts of people, even if you think you do. ANY person who wants to watch you do something like that is thinking of his own selfish desires, he doesn't care about you and what your actual interests are. They don't want to love you. They don't want to do anything but use you. You might think that you have some power to lure this guy to be driven to sexual crazes, but instead you are the fox on the hunt to be pursued and slaughtered (maybe and hopefully not literally, but sometimes that too can happen). If you think it is okay to be used, I really recommend you to find someone spiritual to talk to or find a Christian counselor who can help guide you. No one deserves to be used ever.

As for talking without seeing, through phone-sex or text-sex - just keep in mind that if a man wants to hear some very odd things being said by you that just aren't normal at all, he probably has some violent thoughts in which he wants to act out sexually. It is very screwed up, and it drives me crazy to see so many movies shrug off all these things as if they are innocent fun. We need to open our eyes to how much harm can come out of "innocent fun".

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." -Proverbs 4:23-17

In case you do talk this way or do these things with your own boyfriends or girlfriends (since I hope we have guy readers) before marriage, you are still doing wrong and need to work on striving for purity in your relationship with God first and your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Just because you're not actually having sex doesn't mean that it isn't wrong. You are still putting the ideas in each other's heads and making it harder and harder to abstain from having sex with one another.

[photo from flickr]

New Blog Layout!! Thanks Samantha!!!

2010-08-30T21:23:00.000-04:00

I want to thank Samantha of http://nestinbloom.com for working on the new layout for us. She did such a splendid job, and I'm grateful to her work. It is beautiful :: applauds her :: !! It is great that she shares our passions!

Click here to see her web designs and layouts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to also share some of the jewelry she sells on her etsy shop

Je T'aime French Oxidized Dark Silver 18in Necklace

Antique Vintage Watch Bracelet

Custom Design Squared Edge 8mm Sterling Silver Ring

Also I wanted to share some items from her really beautiful Vintage Decor and other Finds Etsy shop

Vintage White Floral Porcelain Pitcher/Vase

Vintage Mail Box Desk Organizer

Vintage Japanese Cherry Blossom Tea Cup & Saucer

Laura's Story: Promiscuity to Chastity

2010-08-27T10:55:00.000-04:00

I was raised in a family rooted in Christian values. I knew who Jesus was and understood well the concept of Him dying on the cross for my sins. However, living in a manner that put Christ in control of my actions took a back seat to my personal needs and desires. I'm sure my mom spoke to me about the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage but that was a lesson in one ear and out the other. When I was in 8th grade my parents went through a rough divorce and all of the stability I once knew, was gone.

At age 15, I viewed sex and physical activities with the opposite gender like a game. I always seemed to be in this intense competition with my then best friend, struggling to keep up with her in the race of sexual encounters. Each day my younger, prettier, thinner friend would tell me about all her escapades with guys...Oh how I burned with jealousy. As a consequence, I rushed all the important first sexual experiences a girl is supposed to value highly and wait patiently to have.

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. -James 3:14-16

Deep down I knew I was supposed to cherish my body & my virginity even though I was living to the contrary. I continually hushed the still small voice that told me not to get involved in sex acts. The autumn of my freshman year, my best friend made a bet with me that she could lose her virginity first and I knew at that moment I wasn't going to let her "win" this time. So when the opportunity came about where I could lose "it" before her, I jumped at the chance without blinking twice. It was, of course, all about bragging rights. But I remember the day I gave away the gift of my virginity, and I say it like that because I knew after everything was said and done, that a part of me was gone forever. I might have had boasting privileges, but inside I was torn. I felt deeply ashamed of the hasty decision I had made. In fact, I remember crying because I knew I betrayed myself, my mom, and God.

If you asked me if I was a virgin, I would have lied to you. I didn't want to own up to the realization that I was one of those girls. As high school progressed, I had a somewhat steady boyfriend, the "love of my life." He knew I had previously had sex and together we chose to wait. We waited well over a year before deciding to have sex and sometimes in my mind I pretend that he was my first. We developed this love/hate relationship and quickly became co-dependent. We were careless and reckless with each others' hearts and bodies. He always came first and I continued to put God on the back burner. One day during my junior year we had an accident while having sex. At the time, I chose to go against everything I stood for and everything I was raised to believe as truth. I let his sister drive me to the local Planned Parenthood and the decision to take the Morning After Pill was done in haste, just like most of the things I did back then. I knew my firm stance on the sanctity of life was shattered, but in those moments... all I knew was that I did not want a child. In my mind I tried and tried and tried to rationalize with God about the decision I made. I kept telling myself it wasn't as bad as it seemed, but it was and I knew it. By senior year, sex was the demise of our relationship. In a thoughtless moment he had sex with my best friend, ending both my friendship with her and my relationship with him. During my agony, I in return, had sex with someone else for revenge.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. -1 Corinthians 6:18-20

High school ended and I quickly headed down a sexually, emotionally & spiritually destructive path. I went out to night clubs and bars regularly. I gave out my phone number, exposed myself freely, and hooked up with guys I didn't know. I joined practically every online dating site just so I could exchange nude photos, chat inappropriately, and eventually meet up to have a good time. I learned to exploit my sexuality in different ways. I took nude pictures of myself and sent them to guys I was dating at the time or occasionally sent them to strangers just for compliments. I craved attention and figured that even negative attention was better than none at all. The entire time my heart was hurting. I knew that I was not like other girls who were so easily able to go about doing the "no strings attached" deal. God had created me for more and I wanted more, I wanted commitment. I yearned to feel appreciated by the man I gave myself to, but I didn't know how to go about it the correct way.

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; -1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

I figured if I was only being intimate with the guy I was dating then having sex with him was okay. How could I possibly get hurt if we were being faithful to each other? But God knew what He was talking about when He said that sex was made to be honored inside of marriage. The only One that has your best interests at heart is Jesus. This is why we are told countless times in Scripture to abstain and to flee from all sexual immorality. God knows what's best for our sex lives and our hearts and what is really at stake when we disregard these warnings. To be honest as I sit here and write this I'm sad to tell you that before things got better, things did get worse. As the saying goes... if you play with matches you're going to get burned. I only tell you this to warn you! It never matters how long or how well you think you know someone... waiting to be married before you have sex will save you from pain and situations that Jesus never had planned for you. God stated in His Word that He only wanted good things for your future.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

I had been dating this guy I met in a bar pretty regularly for about 7 or 8 months. Every Friday night we would play cards games, drink, and fool around. Who knew this night would be different? ...I actually hardly remember much of the evening at all. In the morning as he cooked me some eggs, I asked him what happened the night before. He said I was pretty out of it and callously smiled when he told me I had begged him for it. After hearing those words, chills ran down my spine because I knew it was a lie. Never in my right mind would I have consented to what he did to my body that night... but sadly, I hadn't been in my right mind.

That situation left me feeling disgraced and a depression overtook me. Instead of rightfully repenting and turning to God for help, I sought out drugs for comfort. Heavy into my addiction, I began to close myself off from people, pain, & reality. I refused to own up the choices I had made that resulted in my current mess. So I withdrew more, and slowly stopped socializing all together. I spent the next few years purposely avoiding the Lord instead of seeking Him out in my anguish. It was only by His grace and many different circumstances that lead up to the breakdown in my kitchen the evening I finally stopped running and surrendered my life into His control.

For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.. -Romans 8:13

Up until that time I didn't realize how invigorating it would be to allow Christ to be the ruler of my life and my decisions. For so long I fought the idea of God having total control because I thought He would never understand my wants and needs. But in those moments I was tired of making the wrong choices and continually causing my own pain. I knew that if I allowed Jesus to enter into every corner of my life it would prevent any more hurt, and with time, heal the deep wounds I was inflicted with. I'd like to tell you that getting off of drugs was easy, but it wasn't. I'd like to tell you that it all happened fast, but it didn't. However, I was headed in the right direction. And due to my lack of socializing while on drugs, I had already gone a long period of time without any sex, so I figured I should continue. I chose to publicly re-dedicate my life to Jesus and was Baptized. During my Baptism I made a pledge before God and before my church congregation that I would remain abstinent until marriage.

Today, as a single female in her 20's, I'm still working on that pledge. Some days it's easier to stay chaste than others. Purity requires more than just keeping away from the physical act of sex itself. It means being careful of the way I portray myself. It means guarding my eyes and heart against impure images that could negatively affect me. Being a single woman has challenges, and a major frustration I deal with is that most of my friends are married, some even with children. There are days when I get discouraged with God and I cry out to Him, "When am I going to meet my husband? I thought You told me You had good plans for me! That if I wait on You, You'll fulfill the desires of my heart..." In 2.5 years of taking a step back from a sexually promiscuous lifestyle, I've slipped up one time in a moment of lust and weakness. And although I felt ashamed, I knew that time was different because I was different. I knew I could go to Jesus, receive forgiveness, and continue moving forward.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9

What I'm learning throughout my journey of abstinence and waiting and patience is that it's not about my timing, it's about God's. I spent so many years trying to define myself in 'what a man says I am' and 'what I can do for a man' that I forgot 'who I am in Christ'. I now fill my days with Jesus, He is the Man of my dreams. I read books on purity, abstinence, how to be a good wife (for when the time comes of course), and most importantly I read the Bible. Instead of focusing on my selfish wants, I'm learning to look past them and seek God's Will for my life. It's so cool to watch how quickly His desires for my life become my own. I haven't forgotten that I would like to be married one day with children... and I know God hasn't either. But living for Christ each day gives my life meaning like it never had before. I look forward to the day I will be able to experience the sexual intimacy of the husband/wife relationship that God speaks about in His Word. But somehow I know that it will never come close to the intimacy I have with my Savior right now.

Vogue Sept. 2010 - Sweaters!

2010-08-24T09:50:00.000-04:00

Vogue Magazine features loads of beautiful sweater styles for the Autumn that I thought I'd share with you.

photos credit fashion_screen

Sugarbabe

2010-08-17T10:03:00.001-04:00

I know I have stressed before about how most all prostitution is forced upon women. This book called Sugarbabe written by Holly Hill is about a girl who decided she wanted to become a mistress, which she says doesn't make her a prostitute at all. There was a large article about her "amazing" book in August's Marie Claire magazine. I finally got around to reading it.

The problem I have with books like this and women who promote being a mistress is that Ms. Hill states she fell in love with a boy who hired her as his mistress. She was given so much and made loads of money. Finally his wife found out and they broke up. She suddenly couldn't afford anything so she went ahead and placed an ad for herself to become a mistress that men could hire and go to when they weren't satisfied with their own wives. What is this telling our society? Where is the respect for marriage? She said, "We all sell ourselves-wheather it's our bodies, our brawn, or our minds. Selling a quality product is empowering when you get a lot of customers. And I had offers from dozens of men." She stated that she was a mistress then to 4 men in half a year, and that prostitutes aren't able to choose who they have sex with and that what she does is so much more professional.

Here's the problem. When you are bound in marriage, you are bound to protect one another from harm. You have to become honest and committed no matter how you feel. Unsatisfied with your husband or wife? Don't go into sinfulness to soothe that issue, go to Jesus to help you overcome your struggle and to build your bond with your mate so that these issues won't come up.

If you are a young girl reading this, never sell yourself short. Your spirit will be broken over and over when you care more about money than your own heart.

Sin will destroy us and make us yearning for something great. We need to realize we are worth more than money could ever buy! We were worth the blood of Jesus that He would never want to see us harmed!

Ms. Hill then stated that her father cheated on her mom and that it caused her to ultimately stop what she was doing. She didn't want to allow men to lie about the person they loved. The only problem is that now that she does have an actual non-paying boyfriend, she admitted that they are allowed to practice "negotiated infidelity". What in the world is that, you ask? It is that because men are sexual creatures, we shouldn't hold them down to monogamy! She goes on to say, "negotiate with a man, and it makes you powerful. If he goes to a strip club, maybe you get a new handbag or frock." How does that give her power? The only power you have is to let each other get away with hurting one another in an openly way, but it is still doing damage even if you do know about it. It will make you paranoid in a different way than if you were waiting up and wondering where your man is, it makes you wonder, "am I not so important that you care enough to be with me alone?" "Who were you with tonight? What were they like? What is their body like that you wanted to be with them over me?" It will run you down to be powerless because you can't understand what is wrong with you that they can't be caring enough to stick to you alone.

Holly Hill goes on to encourage girls to allow their partners to do what they want because then your marriages will fail and you just shouldn't fight it. I say, fight and don't give up hope. Giving up your men to do what they want is not going to teach them anything other than how it is okay to disrespect you as a woman and that we are tools for pleasure rather than people with value!

She said "Why, why is selling one's vagina so very bad? It's so screwed up. Besides, my handbags are worth more to me than a lay." My answer to you Ms. Hill is that this is why human trafficking has risen to a high and why there are so many young girls being forced into this lifestyle, because you allow it to be acceptable for men to get away with this. There is a long line of dead people and a long line of destroyed minds because of this mentality. There are diseased and hurting children because people are buying people and abusing them. There are girls kidnapped, drugged, and raped daily. That's okay with you that there are men destroying the beauty of truly loving their wives or who are getting away with cruelty. Your mindset is what is screwed up, because you are probably deeply hurting that you would care more about your material possessions that will not last in comparison to your body and spirit!

She even ends her interview stating "I try to return them to their wives better than I found them." Hopefully because they realize they've been scum and that they have harmed their marriage and trust.

My advice to all who might be considering giving their bodies up to the sexual business is: don't. Seek help. If you want, please contact us. rubyeyedokapi@gmail.com and we will help you. It is good to tell someone you are close to about your thoughts. I recommend going to someone who is spiritual in the Lord who can help encourage you about how wonderful you are. If you have been through such an issue already, there are many places who offer restoration and therapy specifically for what you have had a hard time with. Please ask us for more information, and we'll offer it to you. There is always hope and a way out!

We ask that if you are a man who has done this or wants to do it, that you open up to your wife about how you are struggling. If you need, go to a pastor or Christian counselor who can help you through this and give you advice on strengthening your marriage or relationship.

Barlow Girl interview on modesty and purity

2010-08-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

JCPenney - Back to School clothes!

2010-08-11T12:20:00.000-04:00

check out some of the great clothes available on http://jcp.com/teen for sale! Check out all that is on this styleboard I made that costs under $300 - of course this doesn't include all the jeans they also have available.
One thing about lower cut dresses and shirts is that you can always wear a blouse underneath and it will look really beautiful!

Madonna's Material Girl Macy's Collection

2010-08-05T16:43:00.001-04:00

In Seventeen Magazine, I saw an advertisement for the Material Girl collection in Macy's, which has since arrived on Tuesday. I will tell you that off the bat, I was very curious to see it. When I was a child and teen, Madonna ruled the fashion world. I used to be a very big Madonna fan and sat for hours listening to her records and singing along to everything. I watched her videos constantly (had a collection on VHS, and had the Girlie Tour on VHS). I have even been told many times that I look similar to her (especially her Ray of Light days). I tried to dress like her when I was 16-18 randomly at school (there are photos to prove that, plus I won 80s day school spirit contests - photo on bottom to show you). The fashion in the 80s were not glamourous to me at all, but I had fun playing dress-up. People made fun of 80s hairstyles and fashion sense in the mid-late 90s. It is coming back. The problem on top of that is Madonna's fashion sense in which she is working on this with her 13 year old daughter Lourdes aka "Lola" is what is coming back (so we're going to repeat the past almost literally).

this is modest from the collection - so I'm posting it (there aren't many though)!

Lola stated in People's StyleWatch "I am totally obsessivo about 80's shorts, you know, the kind that makes your butt look kinda big with a grunge-looking shirt tucked in."

My question for all of you is, to read that a 13 year old stated this, how does that make you feel? How will this influence girls her age to know that she is working on designs for them to wear? The line is filled with short mini skirts, bare mid-drifts, boosty-a shirts, strapless bandeau bras to wear under transparent/non-transparent shirts (but they show them to be visible in some way), and transparent tutu skirts. When Macy's opened the line there were crowds of people rushing in to see and buy these clothes. You can watch the video for it on their site (t'was a mad house!!).

This is what my mom often discouraged me from wearing but I rebelled selfishly not understanding why it was so important to be careful what I wore. . .and I wore this often. Say hello to me at age 17 and trying to be sexy and just like Madonna's Lucky Star music video. Probably right after I took these horrible webcam shots back in 2001 I was taking off more clothes too to get shots of for the internet webworld. Teenage girls should not act this way. I was a messed up girl who thankfully learned my lessons, but it is best to learn from other people's mistakes than from repeating mine!!! Thank God you can't see how short that skirt was. I had a random girl in school photograph me dressed like Madonna a couple different times eating my lunch or posing and she gave them to me later on and said how she loved how I dressed (She was a freshman, I was a senior - I set bad examples).

Modesty for Both Genders

2010-08-03T07:00:00.002-04:00

What is modesty, exactly?

On this blog, we take a look specifically of what modesty looks like for women. Women tend to be bombarded with messages that say our bodies are the only parts of us worth anything.

But I think it’s important to note that modesty extends beyond what we wear, and includes how our hearts are postured. Someone could appear to be the most modest woman on earth, and still harbor secret desires of self-promotion in her heart. Above all, modesty is the humbling ourselves before God – realizing our true position in relation to the Creator, and desiring nothing else than God’s complete glory.

These were my thoughts while reading this article from Christianity Today, which discusses modesty for both women and men -- rightfully arguing that although we typically focus on women and modesty, it's important for us to include the entire body of Christ in the discussion.

And now we point the question to you:

How do YOU define modesty?

Sincerely - Rachel

Imago Dei

2010-07-31T15:05:00.001-04:00

When did the messages of culture become more powerful than the messages of God?

I would really like to figure this out, because somewhere along the line, I forgot that I was made in the image of the living God.

Imago Dei...

God created us to be whole persons. Culture teaches us (especially women) to be fragmented selves. Kim Gaines Eckert, in her book Stronger Than you Think, writes, "Women's bodies [are] selling everything [in culture]... Women's bodies are not women's whole selves.When women are valued for their beauty and sexual appeal to the neglect of their many other capacities and gifts, it fragments them" (19, emphasis mine). If we do not guard ourselves against the education offered by culture, we will live under the self-condemning cloud of "never-good-enough."

But in the guarding, where do we turn? How do we live in celebration of the fact that we are image-bearers of our very Creator?

"Instead of focusing on what you look like (or don't look like), begin to focus on what you cando" (125).

God created you with specific abilities to do different things -- from riding a bike to crafting sentences to running and walking to creatively expressing yourself through vintage clothing or Etsy to climbing trees to cooking to eating to digesting -- seriously, people, we are absolutely intricate, fascinating, created beings! Affirm what you can do, affirm what others can do, and when awe hits you, revel in that awe. We are His miracles.

"When you begin reciting body-hating messages, remind yourself that you were created as an embodied person in God's image" (126).

I recently discovered my struggle with brutal, negative self-talk. Now that I am aware of the messages I am constantly streaming into my head, when one pops up, I immediately repeat,"Imago Dei," to myself until I can rest in the knowledge that God has created me to be an image-bearer. Sometimes my negative self-talk turns into private bouts of worship. I was made in the image of God. Wow.

"We will grow in our search for wholeness when we stop breaking our bodies into pieces that we like and don't like... You have a whole body. Start trying to think of and appreciate your body that way" (129-130).

As stewards of God's creation, I believe we have a mandate to work towards self wholeness. When we disparage ourselves in any way, we are telling God, "Your work wasn't good enough. Your creation wasn't complete. I'm going to take control from here." When we fall into this line of thinking, we are forgetting that God saw what he created and it was very good.

(Thanks to Kim Gaines Eckert for an excellent book.)

This contribution was a re-post from Even One Sparrow.

Popina Bathing Suits

2010-07-29T14:45:00.000-04:00

I know it's getting a little late in the season to think about bathing suits, but there are still people who have not gone swimming who are still looking for suits! One thing about these suits is that they are in the range of about $80. Here is the Popina website. They also have tankinis as well as cover up skirts and tops. There are many swimwear companies that have one piece suits, and cover well enough where they don't look too frumpy but not too sexy. I recently posted photos of myself in a one piece skirted suit on my blog that I found. It is really pretty!

Modest swimwear is important. Guys are very much into the idea of seeing girls in bathing suits, especially bikinis because it is so close to seeing what a girl looks like naked. Too many times we get confused thinking that we have power through our bodies and how men react to us, but the truth is, God created us to be more than just pleasurable to the eye. He created us to worship Him. If we are glorifying the idea of getting attention through the lust of men, are we doing right in the eyes of God? Shouldn't that be most important? Be careful to cover yourselves and be more concerned with God's way. He'll place a man in your life who will love and respect you through how you serve God, and that man will adore your body in marriage in return! If that man is also concerned with doing right in God's eyes, he will be faithful and willing to be in love with your body through any changes it may make.

Sucker Punch [and immodest films in general]

2010-07-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

I'm addicted to watching movies. It is a problem perhaps at times. I watch a lot of them and review many on my blog each week. I also once in a while watch trailers of films that will be coming out. Today I decided to catch up just a little on trailers, as it has been a couple months since I've done so. One of the first ones I decided to watch was for a film called Sucker Punch.

I feel odd posting a photo and video from it considering the content but I need to use it as an example. When I was a younger girl I used to watch anime constantly (and by younger I mean violent ones that I watched since 1989-2009, which I am not really into any longer at all, even if I try to watch it - I can't and end up turning it off). What is portrayed often in anime? Violence and panties. What is portrayed in Sucker Punch? The same thing. To me seeing the trailer was like watching a live action anime. It looks amazing. The problem is that they are hardly wearing anything even though it is set in the 1950s. They call this movie "Alice in Wonderland with Machine Guns". The girls are set out for murder (perhaps revenge, it is hard to understand the plot at this time, either way it is still blood they are after). They are very sexy young women with what they wear. The main character is wearing a little sailor school girl uniform (this is what made me think also of anime, as if I am watching Project A-ko). At the same time from the trailer I am HOPING that what it is about, is a group of girls who have been forced to do things against their wills and that they are fighting for their freedom. I hate human trafficking with quite a passion, so that would be something I am interested in with this film.

My problem is that although I really loved the trailer, I also started to think about all the young girls who will see this, especially considering Vanessa Hudgens is in it. I started to think of all the women who will see this and want to dress sexier and who will want to wear their outfits. Then I thought of all the guys who will be turned on by the idea of girls wearing so little while shooting people and using swords to fight people. Why is it that these things really make certain guys go wild? I don't understand it. I know that I used to want to dress this exact same way to make the guys go wild. Why do they have to do this for films? What can we say to people if we see or hear people promoting their outfits? What do I do knowing that I am probably going to be so upset with such things that it is going to honestly make me depressed while watching the film? I just want to enjoy movies people. can't we make the sexy girls wear clothes and not be showy about their form?

What are your thoughts about things like this? I would love to hear opinions of males if possible too! What goes on in your heads!?

Seventeen surprised me!

2010-07-26T08:33:00.001-04:00

I did it again. I went out and bought magazines to understand what is being fed to society. I read through one of them so far. It was Seventeen Magazine (with Rihanna on the cover). What surprised me, you ask? The content! I found the magazine to be 95% modest. All throughout the pages I see shirts that are not cleavage showing, and even if there is a shirt that is cleavage-revealing, there are shirts underneath them so that they aren't! I was quite impressed. I was happy that even in a world that is filled with ideals of being sexy, there are teenagers who are looking for clothing ideas and might wear more clothes instead of less, in case they are influenced by this magazine.

As for sexual content, when reading the articles, a lot of what you read are things about cheating. . .but even so they talk about how you shouldn't cheat. They try to encourage the girls to even forgive their boyfriends if they are cheated on, but at the same time to be cautious and not automatically trust them right away. I have to say, when I did read this magazine as a teenager, which was rare, they made it seem like you could do whatever you wanted and to think about you and your needs (be it sexual or just selfish reasonings in general). The fact that there are people trying to help encourage teens to do right who are the writers of this magazine today, made me feel hopeful for this generation of teens. They also encourage girls to embrace their own size, to not make fun of or bully people, and to get in shape but to not be obsessed with wanting to be thin, but to just maintain a good exercise routine each day. It just seemed like it was telling girls to be happy with who they are. I liked this. I thought I was going to suffer with sadness for society when I bought this.

Rachel's Story: Every Decision Counts

2010-07-20T22:25:00.004-04:00

If you had asked me when I was 17 when I was going to have sex, I would say—without a doubt—that I was waiting until marriage.

If you had asked me at age 20 if having sex outside of marriage was wrong, I would have shrugged and said, “Maybe. I dunno.”

If you had asked me at age 22 if having multiple sex partners outside of marriage was affecting my emotions or spirituality, I might have laughed. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

At age 23, I was falling apart. I felt like I was drowning, barely able to keep myself afloat in life.

And now, married and at age 26, I am absolutely convinced it was because of sex.

This is my story.

The First Step

The decision to have sex with my boyfriend when I was 20 was not a flippant decision; instead, it was a process spanning 8 months. When we had started dating, I made it clear that we would never have sex unless we got married someday. Because this decision was so ingrained in my moral fiber, I didn’t set up any boundaries. The closer we got emotionally and intimately, the more confused I was becoming about why I couldn’t have sex with him. I began thinking that sex wasn’t as big of a deal as Christians made it out to be. At that time, I had no spiritual role models or mentors—nor did I have any Christian friends. I remember wanting someone to tell me that having sex was wrong, and I wanted a reason why. No one gave me either. Everyone I talked to seemed to say, “It’s really not a big deal. If you love him, just do it.”

So I did.

The Downward Spiral

Once I had sex, it wasn’t a huge deal any more. Once we broke up, it became super easy to hook up and then have sex with different guys. It was the natural progression of a hook up, and I just sort of gave in to it. It's important to note that this is not the way God intended sex to look like; I started seeing sex as the world saw it and was not holding it up to God's standards.

At this time in life, I became obsessed with image. I was obsessed with how I looked. I was so focused on using my image to get guys to notice me. Because I was so starved to be admired, I hooked up with a lot of people. I made it into a game. If I found someone I thought was attractive, I found a way to hook up with him. It was ugly.

I didn’t stop to consider how or if it was affecting me. I just kept life as busy as possible and kept the game just that—a game. There were brief glimpses of trouble: The anger I felt when leaving someone’s apartment. The feeling of being tossed aside. The jealousy. The obsession. But even when I thought I wanted to change, I felt like I couldn’t.

I was a slave to the behavior.

It was all I knew.

The Breaking Point

The rushing around and pushing away finally reached its breaking point. One semester, I was on the rebound from a crazy, two-year romantic entanglement. Against my better judgment, I ended up sleeping with two people in one week—one was a person I barely knew, and the other was the guy I had just broken up with. Both left me feeling absolutely used. I went berserk. I went into a deep, dark hole. I felt like I was drowning.

And then, I felt like I was pregnant.

And if I was pregnant, I would have no idea which guy was the father.

That was my wake up call.

The Aftermath

I wasn’t pregnant, thank God. But I was severely broken. I remember having this image in my brain—as if I were dangling by one thread amidst a black cavern of despair. Trying to call out to the Lord, all that came out was a faint whisper. “Save me.”

Praise the Lord for his mercy. He saved me from myself. By the grace of God, I was led into a healthy, restorative relationship with the man who is now my husband. It has been a beautiful marriage. Because our relationship has been founded on Christ, we decided to wait until our wedding night to have sex. We are both very happy we waited; God's command to us is for our protection and because he loves us. There are certain things we have had to work through that was brought about because of sex that I am happy we have dealt with only within the context of marriage.

However, I soon realized that the sex I had outside of marriage was a big deal. After our honeymoon, it was a struggle for me to have sex because I didn’t understand this new creature. Sex to me had been such a different creature. It was about a show and conquests. It wasn’t love; it was an attempt to control. It didn’t make sense to me that our marriage love—the type of beautiful, sacrificial, intimate love—was meant to be expressed sexually. Of course, this was all subconscious at first, but eventually, we unveiled these thoughts after some difficulty. I also had a lot of flashbacks the first few months of marriage. I was deeply wounded by my past experiences, and it drastically affected the way my husband and I could (and couldn’t) be intimate.

Sex is a big deal.

The Promise

I do not carry around guilt—not because I am faultless, but because God has forgiven me. He has given the grace to my husband to forgive me. He has used this experience and has deepened our marriage and our intimacy. But it has all been by his grace. I thank the Lord that he will use my experience to help others, and hopefully my own children.

Sisters, I have been there. It is not worth it. I promise you. God does not give us these commands to keep us in a straightjacket. What he wants for us is a more fuller life than we could dream up ourselves. The rules are meant for our protection, so that we may enjoy this full life.

My hope for you is that you will take every decision you make very seriously. Keep in mind that the journey I took happened because of little missteps along the way. Seek God in every matter, and always keep good council.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death... I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope thatthe creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.”

Romans 8:1-2, 18-21

Want to read more? I recommend Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge. No matter where you are in the journey, it's a good place to begin.

Book Review: The Beauty of Modesty

2010-07-18T16:56:00.002-04:00

The Beauty of Modesty is a book written by husband and wife David and Diane Vaughan. In my search for books regarding modesty, I was a bit apprehensive because a lot of times modesty is too legalized or outdated and I wanted to find a book that talked about modesty in a more relevant way. So as I read the preface and the chapter entitled "The Right Approach [to modesty]" I thought that maybe this would be that kind of book, promising to find a definition of modesty that rested carefully between legalism and relativism, not telling you what you can and cannot wear but not telling you to just decide based on what feels right at the time or in comparison to other things.

This book was very challenging for me to finish. I won't say it was a bad book or a wrong book, but I will say that I wholeheartedly disagreed with many things they had to say about modesty as well as today's youth culture and church culture, both of which I found to be very negative and pessimistic.

I must tell you that when I first started getting frustrated with this book, and even during all the times after that, I had to stop and pray. I prayed that I would read this book not through the lens of my own experiences or worldly things, but through a biblical lens. I asked God to guide me as I sought the truth. I tried not to let my frustrations cloud my vision too much. But sometimes they would say such absurd things! Like, women who knowingly dress immodestly are TRYING to let people know they are "loose." While its true that that message is often conveyed by revealing clothing, I doubt very many women want to be perceived as promiscious. Or, people who dress in styles other than what these authors deem normal (goth, punk, etc. are very abnormal) are dressing that way for no other reason than to draw attention to themselves and thus have no humility and are immodest. Well, maybe those people do want to stand out from the crowd a bit but plenty of them are just trying to express themselves with their God-given creativity, not to mention most of the people they hang out with probably dress the same way. If you have a purple mohawk, good luck standing out in a crowd filled with other people with purple mohawks. Also there was the idea that men who wear earrings are promoting male effeminancy or homosexuality. I don't even know what to say to that. Maybe at one point it was associated, rightly or not, with homosexuality, but those days have come and gone, and I don't think it was ever a matter of men wanting to show off their feminine side. There was even a chapter about parenting that was almost totally unrelated to modesty. Yes its important to instill modesty into your daughters at an early age, but they went into other parenting things that I found irrelevant to the subject of the book.

However The Beauty of Modesty did have a few points and themes that I did agree with and that I did find biblically based. First of all, modesty comes from the heart. This is very important when it comes to deciding what is and isn't modest. It means that modesty is about more than just covering your body. Modesty is the awareness of your intentions behind how you dress yourself and how you behave, as well as other people's perceptions of you based on those things. Its not just about clothes, but about your words, actions, and behaviors. Its possible to speak immodestly or act immodestly.

The authors point out that there is nothing wrong with making your appearance attractive. The biblical goal of modesty is not to say what you can and cannot wear, but instead "to protect from lust and immorality, not to make us look as if we stepped off an assembly line." This is somewhat contradictory to their statement about people who dress in a "bizarre" way with their purple mohawks and black lipstick (apparently all teenagers dress "goth"). But it is very true. Look at the Bible verses that talk about modesty. Do they tell us what clothes are allowed and what are not? If they did we would probably still be dressing like they did in the first century and earlier. And if modesty was an issue even back then, how immodest would they find today's clothing? So its important to remember that modesty is about, like Paul said in 1 Timothy 2:9-10, drawing attention not to ourselves but to God through our good deeds. "Modesty serves to accentuate moral beauty over physical beauty by averting our gaze away from the body."

Furthermore, our words and behavior can be just as immodest as a plunging neckline. Never underestimate a man's lustful imagination when you, in passing, mention you took a shower or went shopping for bras. Even body language and innocent touches can be a stumbling block. Men are very visual creatures and they are naturally turned on by the female form. Let's also be aware that our words and actions can be just as harmful to the guy who is already having a hard time keeping his thoughts from wandering into sinful territory.

Ultimately it should never be one's goal to, when talking about modesty, give a list of do's and don'ts. Its about motive and awareness. We dress modestly because we are not concerned with the outward appearance and we want to glorify God with our bodies, not ourselves. But to a certain extent we know what can cause a man, particularly the males we see most often, to struggle with lust. We can't protect them all the time all by ourselves, but we do what we can, including praying for them.

What also really struck me about starting this book is that even after only 2 chapters, I've become so much more re-sensitized to our culture's overall lack of modesty. Ever since I learned the importance of modesty, I've tried to dress appropriately and of course I've noticed when other girls haven't. I KNOW a lot of today's fashions are far from modest (and have been for quite some time), I KNOW I will see plenty of females wearing revealing clothing everytime I turn on the TV. I've known that for a while now, but I didn't realize how I'd come to accept it. Not accept it as right, but accept it as common and normal and there's-nothing-I-can-do-about-it-but-ignore-it. I was already getting desensitized to how sexualized our culture is. But it was like a switch went off, a veil was lifted, and suddenly I could once again really see how much we give away, how little we keep as special and private and worth more than showing it off to anyone who happens to look our way. We talk about freedom and power and feeling sexy, all of it coming from showing off our bodies and flaunting ourselves. But I see no freedom or power in wearing revealing clothing. I think it cheapens a woman. There is no price to pay for that body. Take a good look, take a picture, its for all to see. But my body is a temple of the Lord. My body is for my husband's eyes alone. My body and I are worthy of love and respect.

And as far as the book goes, would I recommend it? If you are up for the challenge and want to explore other people's opinions about biblical modesty even though you might not agree with everything they say, go for it! Just take it with a grain of salt and see the authors' overall message. You might find that you enjoyed it more than I did and/or learned more from it. Its certainly not a totally useless book; I underlined a lot of passages that I felt really demonstrated an aspect of or fact about modesty. Otherwise, I squeezed out most of the good juice of the book into this review. Not all of it, and I might even go back and write a little bit more based on what I've learned from this book. But I read it, and I did it all for you, readers. Well, maybe for my own personal knowledge too but I FINISHED it for you. :)

Sexy Sexy Sexy Sex and True Love

2010-07-15T12:51:00.000-04:00

[photo from Brian Auer on flickr]

Going back to the magazine I bought and suffered reading through, I noticed that everything was reduced to being called "sexy" and how to have "sexy sex". It made me feel sad to think that people are told that if you aren't thin, have exposed bossoms, have a glowy tan to your body, then sorry, but you're just not sexy. Then when a load of embarrassing sex moments were shared, it made me even sadder. So many of the stories were about people breaking up because of something that happened during sex, or finding out their boyfriend posted photos from his phone up on the internet and has been doing the same thing with other women for years.

What I don't understand is why people reduce themselves to believing that they aren't good enough? If you have a little meat on you, it doesn't make you unsexy. If you have pale skin, you're not unsexy. If you have small bossoms, you are not unsexy. If a guy makes you think that you aren't good enough and if he can't love you for all you come with, than that guy is going to forever make you feel lousy about yourself. No matter what happens to your body only YOU can be happy with who you are. How do you attain that happiness? Accept yourself. Love yourself. Know that God loves you and loves how you are.

Believe me I have felt downcast about my own body since having children, when I was happy with how I was physically, but I am learning to love what has happened. I have worked out and am happy with the outcome, but there are things of course that should not be changed and will not make me a better person to anyone. I will grow old. I will change in body. This is normal. My husband loves me and accepts me for what has occured, and it makes me feel very happy. I feel confident in who I am, and that is because God has helped ease my heart. I am sexy even though perhaps the world would call me "unsexy". I used to try to look sexy because I didn't believe I was good enough or pleasurable to the eye of man. Now that I cover up a bit, it is insane how much sexier I feel even though I'm not showing off what I used to show off or what most of the world tries to push on women to wear so they can feel sexy.

Another article in the magazine were interviews with guys and what they look for. One section even said that most guys are looking for an actual longterm relationship, rather than a one night stand. It made me sad to think that women have to read articles to find this stuff out. If we as women worked harder on just toning it all down, those guys would be more interested in us as people and would look deeper than what they see on the outside. They wouldn't want to just rush through everything as much and then feel like there was nothing left so they would move on.

Sex is not going to cure your feelings about yourself - male or female. Often times it will make you wonder, "What did I do wrong??" and you'll feel sad and hope that next time it will be better. Sadly many people don't learn until they've been thrown into relationships with so many people that there is just a tattered soul wanting real love and searching so deeply for it.

Two things I often told old friends who made it seem like no one wanted them or that they'd never have a boyfriend or never get married. First: Search for God. Strive to deepen your relationship with Christ. The more you are able to work on that, and getting order in your own life, the more God will see that desire in your heart (and the more confident you become in yourself through Christ). Pray: In seeking God, prayer is the best way to have that depth with Him. Talk to Him to help you with your struggles. Tell Him all about how you are feeling. If you want to marry, pray for it constantly. He will place someone in your life with the same goals or desires you have; and someone who can hopefully have such a love for God as you do that you can together be able to strive for Him to become the center core of your relationship. A relationship that works to do right and be Christlike often has a better chance of lasting. If you allow things to come in place of God, it will pull you both away (often times sex before marriage can do this), which is why in coming together sexually in marriage, you have such a great connection with God through sex because that is how it was intended: in Marriage. It is very important to trust in God and have faith that He will lead your life as long as you do strive to obey Him. It is not going to be easy, but it is always worth it.
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." -Matthew 21:23

Approaching those who think that there is "No Harm" In Sexual Ads, porn, nude art, etc

2010-07-06T22:03:00.001-04:00

[photo taken from flickr of a child reading a beauty magazine filled with sexual content]

I decided to buy one of those fashion magazines the other day. I was a little nervous and fearful of doing it while I was in line to pay for it. I didn't look inside of the magazine, I just saw the headlines and thought, "I wonder what the secular perspective would be on such articles". I'll be talking a little more on what the articles say in future posts, but first off I want to say I was in shock at the available content for anyone to look at. I noticed some magazines were in plastic wrap, which to me means there is nudity inside. I grabbed one of those magazines you see on a stand that a teen girl might be interested in looking through.

What did I see when I flipped through the magazine? I saw pretty much fully nude people with see through items being worn over body parts (in which you were still able to see the parts, just not in focus), or items that weren't transparent being placed in front of these body parts. I saw a completely naked woman with her back facing us and showing her bum's crack. There were so many sexual ads all throughout the magazine. It was very heartbreaking for me. I was not enjoying what my eyes were seeing at all. It made me feel sick inside. I wasn't sure how I would get through even reading some of the articles after seeing such content. I realized that female magazines are just as bad as male magazines for promoting sexuality. It seems like they promote that being sexual is something women would strive to be! It was a shame! We should not be so concerned for being lusted after by others one bit.

It made me think back to my senior year of high school. We had a project in health class that was supposed to show the sexual advertising through things like whip cream ads, razors ads, beer ads, etc. The problem was that I don't think many of the kids understood the project. My English teacher was a devoted Christian Catholic man who loved to talk about Jesus. He knew I was a Christian because I was outspoken and unashamed about being so. When the kids came in with their posters of sexual ads, he was so angry. There were naked people on these posters. A girl in my class said to him, "It's just art. We're all naked." and I remember he went to talk to the health teacher in the middle of teaching our class. He was outraged that people who were especially under the age of 18 were told to do this project (regardless of the fact that some of us were 18 or even slightly older, because he was concerned for all of us no matter what our ages were). I remember the girl's reaction to our teacher. She looked at him as if it were no big deal; as if he were just an old crazy man. The boys were crowding around looking at the poster seemed innocent. I had seen many of them carrying plenty of Maxim magazines and openly looking through them during classes throughout my senior year. My teacher looked pale and hurt for the youth. He was old but he knew what was right and he had seen the world change so much in front of him throughout the years. He was even a white freedom marcher with Martin Luther King Jr. in the 1960s. He knew what it was to stand up for what he believed in, especially when it came to morals, and I honestly don't remember what happened to that project after that day.

I want to stress to you all that this is the mentality going around today. The idea that everything is okay for the sake of art. Where are we to draw a line? Some people find killing people as an art form. For now that is not acceptable, but what happens if this will occur the more that we shrug things off. I believe we need to stand up and encourage people to understand how modesty really protects many people from great harm. With all the proof going around that pornography harms the mind and soul especially when the young people in our world are exposed to it, but people still try to make excuses so they don't have to feel the guilt or see the pain in their own lives.

"If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him/her gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." -Galatians 6:1-2

How do we go about telling people this is wrong without making ourselves sound like we are hateful? We tell them in a kind mannerism. We tell them of our own issues we've gone through. We ask them questions about why they feel a certain way about pornography or sexual advertising for the sake of art. If we react in love, it truly will help people understand things in a way they never thought about. They will pay more attention to what goes on and will start to change and grow through what you tell them. If you know some scriptures that can help them, use them in a way that can really help them see the love of Christ flowing out of you.

Keep in mind that if you go about being hateful and rude to people with how you approach things (like calling people sluts or whores or just the tone in how you bring things up) it will make them laugh at you; It might hurt them instead of help them; It will make them find a joke out of what you have to say on the situation. At the same time it will still make them think! What we say to people will help save them from a lot of torment and suffering, be it in this life or afterwards. If we try to help people and show love to people who may not understand the truth, we are doing right in telling people of such things. Maybe they still won't care. That happens often, but at least you tried to do what is right and were kind in your approach.

The third verse to carry on what I quoted in Galatians says, "If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself." I think this is important. We are not better than anyone else just because we choose to dress modestly. We all sin in different ways and need to be very aware of that. We are just as easily able to fall into sin as anyone else. Make sure you remember this especially if you are going to tell someone about why you might choose to dress modestly or have a problem with a sexual advertisement and let someone know that. Humbly approach a person. If you are to boast, it should be solely boasting for Christ but not for yourself, unless it is for what Christ has done for you because you are a sinner. I think a lot of the times we forget this! Don't forget it!

Victoria's Story (Why I am so into modesty and purity today)

2010-07-01T14:43:00.005-04:00

I think I'll take some time to explain why I felt compelled to begin this journey (of Ruby-Eyed Okapi). This is the first time I am publicly exposing myself (rather than to individuals whom may need to hear it when I am with them), but it is what I need to do because God has put it on my heart to do it! I hope my testimony can help you if you have a struggle with modesty or purity. Bear with me as it is quite a long but intense story.

My name is Victoria. For me, in the past I could have cared less how people dressed. If they wanted to wear a bra around, so what. If they wore underwear in the street, I probably wouldn't have cared. I, myself dressed in very tight little shirts that exposed my belly and cleavage. I even purposefully would bend over so people could see my thongs. I took photos of myself in underwear and sent it to people. Who knows if these pictures are still floating around. I was even extremely close to being a lingerie model, a nude model, and who knows what else would have occurred if I did each of those. I had the photo shoots set up with photographers as well as becoming a nude model for a very popular soft-core porn website that had just started. Thankfully, I didn't do it (due to my convictions of doing what God wanted). People were angry with me for not being professional enough when I wouldn't show up to the shoots. I was 19 years old.

When I was a teenager I was very big on staying pure for marriage. I wore a purity/virgin ring and was a huge tease to my boyfriend and other guys who offered attention. I would do things that would not be standard to really working hard at being pure for marriage. In fact I was even very bad with how I acted around females and wanting to fool around with them sexually, which I did so between the ages of 8-16.

My mom is a very spiritual person and she trained me up correctly in The Bible and taught me about the importance of waiting to have sex in marriage. I knew all the scriptures on the subject. Many people often told me the guilt and the pain of their own shame of giving themselves before marriage. I really wanted to do what was right. I shoved it in people's faces that I was such a good girl. I humiliated people who did have sex by asking them publicly if they were virgins or not and some of them were so hurt because of the scars of relationships they had.

"An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." -1 Corinthians 7:34b

Having a boyfriend who had been intimate with other girls early on in his life before he was willing to strive for purity himself was not easy. He was a Christian and was one of the people I assumed was a virgin. I asked him publicly before we dated if he was a virgin and he seemed a little upset, but answered me honestly. It broke my heart since I had a crush on him and it was my dream to marry someone who was also a virgin. When we started dating, I felt I had to be better than those he was intimate with and compare myself to them all the time. I wanted to reign supreme in his life and his experiences. I wanted to be his first in everything. He was very willing to wait for me and was patient as can be, never pressuring or bringing up sex to me ever. It was at one point that I allowed things to go too far that I told him I was tired of waiting. We had been together for a year and a half, which is an ancient amount of time for a teenage relationship (or so I thought at the time, until I met people who actually held out longer and waited for marriage). I really truly believed we'd be married. My mom saw an attitude change and questioned me on it asking if I had sex, hardly within days that I did. I told her I had no guilt and that it would not matter since I was going to marry him anyway. She thought I was being immature (I was) because I was so young, and she went through the same thing I did, but her high school relationship had failed. The truth is I could have saved myself from a lot of suffering if I had obeyed God. My relationship with my boyfriend could have easily collapsed even with promises we made to each other. Love doesn't make things okay. God is Love, God is the creator of Love, and so therefore HE makes sex okay in marriage alone!

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." -1 Corinthians 6:18-20

The more I allowed myself to have sexual intimacy with my boyfriend, the more I was putting my boyfriend as a god before God Himself. My quiet time with Jesus went away more and more. I spent less time in the scriptures. I lied to myself and allowed Satan to grab a hold of me so often. I realized that I had already reigned supreme in my boyfriend's heart and that I didn't need to try to proove anything (granted it took a long time to realize this). He loved me more than anyone. Giving myself to him wasn't painful physically or like the stories I heard from many girls who told me how they lost their virginity. It was enjoyable for me. . .until afterwards when I felt ashamed for going against my vow of purity, against obeying my mom, against my amazing God who loved me more than anyone, and most of all I became a huge hypocrite. It was the worst feeling in the world. I started to cry more and more to God to help me out. My boyfriend even would tell me we couldn't be intimate in any way because we had to do what was right. I was so angry at him and thought maybe I wasn't good enough because now he didn't want to sleep with me. Instead he was trying to protect me and realized that we needed to think clearly and more about obedience to God. My struggle became his struggle. We both ended up having a battle for years on the matter. We had pregnancy scares, we had a lot of issues where we could have broken up. We worked very hard on our relationship.

"The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." -1 Corinthians 7:4-5

Once we got married I didn't have to have shame any longer. It disapeered into joy. I was able to have sex freely with my husband all the time. It is because of Christ that we were able to be together as long as we were, but things weren't better. Marriage doesn't solve the issue. Pornography had my husband's heart. A year into marriage and we were "happy", but dishonest with a hole in our relationship. We didn't seem to be intimate much that first year. There was a reason for it but I was unsure about it at the time.

"For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." -Romans 7:18b-20

It was then that I came in touch with a guy I once knew had a crush on me in high school. We hung out alone often while my husband worked hard all the time. I felt neglected sexually. I felt neglected as a wife. There was an emptiness inside me. I thought I had a new friend to make me feel less alone. I lost a few friends at that time that really were people who helped encourage me. I didn't go to God as often as I used to. It was when this guy I hung around with came into my life that I fell apart more than ever. He made me feel confused. He put these ideas into my head and started to control me in ways I thought I was strong against. I loved my husband. This other man kissed me and took me by complete and utter surprise. It was extremely difficult on me. I went home and took a shower scrubbing my lips hard. When my husband came home he asked if I had a nice time with this man. I was so filled with guilt. I was so angry at myself. I was angry that my husband didn't seem to care that I was hanging out with another man at all. He saw me talking on the phone to him constantly. I really cared about this other guy as a friend and I don't give up on friendships very easily at all. Then because I felt I gave a piece of myself to this guy and he made me feel so angry all the time, I started kissing him and letting him touch me, constantly toying with him. He told me to run away with him and marry him and start a new life with him. It wasn't what I wanted at all. I didn't love this man. I pushed myself to believe I was attracted to him in order to make myself feel a little better about the situation. He wanted to have sex with me and I constantly said, "no". I was constantly reminding him I was married. He even told my husband that he would respect our marriage before we had first hung out. I teased him a lot sexually and shouldn't have, which is why he called me a "dangerous woman" very often. I did so much wrong that I have been forgiven for by Christ. I belonged to my husband alone. I had vows to keep. I wouldn't allow someone to take me the way I was bound to the man I vowed to be bound by Christ with. I didn't go very far at all with this other man because of that vow repeating in my head and the Holy Spirit reminding me to listen and obey God's word. My constant denial of this other man angered him so greatly, that he threatened to rape me. I started to become a bit fearful of him. He wanted to own me and control me all the time, and I was tired of it. In his anger he told me I was a huge liar and should tell my husband what had been going on. In response I told him, "I am going to do just that; Tonight."

"Do not offer the parts of your body to sin as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and off the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." -Romans 6:11-14

My husband was being so sweet. . .but he was also hiding something when I got home from work. It was then that I told him what I had done. It was the most painful experience of my life. Worse than giving birth. The pain of hurting someone you love more than any other human being when you wish you could time travel back and never hang out with another man other than your husband, and not having the ability to go back, but only the hope of moving forward and fixing things really took a lot of bravery. I remember praying to God for the first time in a long time before telling him what happened. I felt I had to do what was right. I had already been forgiven by Christ for what I had been doing. I am very thankful for the very little that went on between me and the other man physically, and can't even imagine the pain that I would have felt if it had gone deeper. I know my husband wouldn't have even given me a chance and would have walked out on me. He was so angry and yelled a lot at me. He was intense. I deserved to be told all the things he said to me. I felt like the worst person in the world because I was the worst person in the world. I was the biggest sinner and I hated myself very much. I remember crying and hyperventilating all night. He wouldn't touch me and decided to sleep on the couch, which he knew would kill me more because my father slept on the couch instead of being intimate with my mom in their whole marriage. It was the worst thing he could do to me because he knew it hurt me to see what my dad did to my mom when she was highly neglected year upon year - only difference was I felt I deserved it and she didn't. I pulled out the other couch we had right up to the edge of the couch he was sleeping on and I slept on it beside him. He was happy I did that because he really wanted to be by my side (but didn't tell me until another time).

I cried more in the morning. My eyes were very puffy. I played some of our old songs to lighten his mood. I had a hard time going to work that day. I cried a lot. For all I know I was told to go back home because I don't think I could hold it in. My husband didn't say a word to me at all that morning and said he needed time to think. He told a few of the guys he worked with about it. I told the man who confused me for the worst 5 months of my life that I could not see him any longer. I think I saw him a few times to rebuilt a friendship (which is dangerous. I don't recommend that ever. cut ties immediately). He was furious that I told my husband and I said, "You told me to tell him." He blamed me for everything. It was all my fault. He tried to guilt me into staying with him because he was in love with me and that he thought I felt the same way, but I didn't at all. I felt he was infatuated with the idea of me but not in love with who I really was. I was not myself. I sent him emails here and there for a while having to repeat myself. It got to the point where I just started deleting any email he sent me without reading them, blocked him everywhere I could, got a new phone and number. He had blamed me for everything that had gone on in his life because nothing ever went right for him. I pray for him now and then because I don't want to hate him and I don't want to blame him for something that I had equal the amount of wrong in doing. I pray that he will be able to draw closer to Christ and be renewed as a person. I broke his heart, but my marriage is what mattered. I was willing to fight for my marriage. I also started to read the Bible often at that time. My groom and I promised to never hang out all alone with the opposite sex ever again, because even if we would try to remain true, things like this can happen without us planning it at all.

This is when I often had dreams of things occurring with my husband; dreams that he was intimate with other girls. I prayed a lot at that time. I thought maybe it was my guilt for what I did that caused me to dream up my husband being intimate with women. Instead it was God telling me things about my husband's pornography problem. I told him these dreams and they freaked him out at times. Finally because I was able to confess my sin to my husband, he confessed his sin to me (but he felt caught and obligated to tell me). It was probably difficult for him to do. I decided to work on it with him. He wanted his sin to end. He wanted to show me love more. It was in that moment that our marriage was beginning to put God at the center of our relationship. It was making us tick and be what God intended for us as a couple.

I prayed for a lot for forgiveness from Christ. Little did I know that God did forgive me but I needed to forgive myself. It was also very difficult for me. My husband could have always put blame on me for what I did, but he trusted and forgave me. I don't know how he was able to forgive me and put that much trust in me. I was amazed. My mom had told him that I was the most loyal person. It broke my heart because she had no idea how much I had thought that too until I allowed to listen to sin and give into the temptations of sin.

It was around that time that my friend had a baby. We went to visit her and her husband to meet their new child that they were blessed with. She said to me, "I always thought you'd have a kid before me." That comment hurt me badly. Here I was newly forgiven for my own sin, and I longed for a child as well, but knew that perhaps that was not something we were ready for after the struggle of our marriage. We were trying to get pregnant for our second month (or as my husband often said, "not doing anything to prevent having a baby" because we never used contraception, but I calculated my schedule each month and worked days around ovulation to not get pregnant until that point). I cried all night when we got home. I was so jealous. It wasn't fair that she had a kid before me when I was married for two years and been in a longer relationship than she had with her husband. I felt we deserved to have a baby (wrong attitude!). I opened up the Bible and started to read through some scriptures. My eyes opened wide as I read,
"And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety." -1 Timothy 2:14-15
I showed my husband and felt a lot of weight come off of my shoulders. I felt as if something was interesting about the situations of the day. I didn't just turn to that scripture randomly, I was actually reading the whole chapter and that was part of my reading. I was in awe of the Lord.

I was already pregnant! I felt very strange all week and slept constantly and smells were bothering me. I was not myself and I stopped paying attention to my scheduling the month before and realized I was due for my menstrual a few days earlier, but the way I was feeling, I knew I had to be pregnant, and I actually suspected it the night I conceived. One of the best memories I have is the day we found out God had answered my prayers and had also given me that feeling that I truly was forgiven. I then returned to the church and cried so much during sermons. I felt the Holy Spirit truly touching my life and giving me joy and peace in a way I never knew before.

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:28
-----------------------------------

We still had a big battle to fight: pornography. I hated pornography with a passion. I hated the damage I saw done to my own family growing up because of pornography. I have seen many families destroyed because people decided to let it rule their lives and take control of their thoughts and actions. My husband got into pornography while we were dating due to his new living arangements with his room being hidden away from his family. I had noticed some files on his computer and smacked him across his face in front of his parents when I found it (I don't recommend slapping anyone ever by the way, I did wrong to react like that). He had a silent battle with it. He had long periods of time where he would not look at it, but once we were married, he got very much into it again. It was only as far as looking at it on the computer and he used some of our money for certain sites, but it was enough to damage our relationship. Many lies were told to me because of the hold it had on his heart. Now that I was pregnant and he was open about it, I told him I did not want it anywhere near our child. I didn't want it around because when I grew up around it, I saw things early on that I wish didn't sit in my memory. I had looked at it myself sometimes as a child and sinned but it was sporatic and seldom (and should have never even have happened). I knew plenty of girls who had an addiction to pornography. I was constantly checking my husband's computer for signs that he had been looking at it. I would ask him all the time if he were doing anything while I left for work before he did. Sometimes he lied. Most of the time he told me the truth and was upset at himself for giving in. He tried a couple sites that were Christian based to help free his addiction, but they didn't really do much, and one of them actually made him feel like they made a joke out of it at times. He knew how to go around firewalls, passwords, you name it. He had a hard drive and boot-up disk that he was using to view his porn for a short while. He was finding ways around my secure tactics to keep him from getting into it. One day I came home to his disks and hard drives smashed. We battled this together for almost all of my pregnancy. I thought he was completely finished with this battle a couple months before I first gave birth.

A year later we learned a lot about human trafficking or modern day slavery and the sexual exploitation involved that included most pornography. It made my husband become more sick over the matter. I became heavily passionate about the issue (still am).

It was at this point in time that I realized that the way I was dressing for years was not helping the situation of human trafficking or pornography. I was causing men to lust. It made me feel really upset at myself that I was a stumbling block to others. What really caused me to see what I was doing was that a few months earlier, while I was pregnant, I was told by a teacher of a private school that my photography was influencing a 15 year old student of hers (a fan of my work) to dressing just like me. She used me as her excuse when she was caught wearing clothes that were immodest. She said that I was a Christian and dressed the way she was dressed. I was really angry and at the time I made up excuses, asked other Christian women what they thought, and sadly a lot of them thought that my photography was artistic so that made it okay. Art doesn't make anything acceptable. The truth of the matter is that my clothing was not spreading the Christian message of Jesus about at all. It was a poor influence and caused people to have more problems with lust. I decided that I had to seriously be able to live my life for Christ and stop being such a poor example of Him. I knew the truth, spoke the truth, but didn't live it enough.

God has really helped teach me so many things, and I am so thankful to Him. I have been blessed with not only one child, but a surprise unplanned second child too. I am very thankful that my husband is open about his own experience for the same reason why I am being open about mine. Our marriage continues to get better and better because we are more honest with one another about our struggles, work on them with each other, and have God as the center core of our relationship, as it should be.

It is very interesting how I did a complete transformation on how I clothe myself. I also get very worried for young girls especially considering all the human trafficking research I've done over the years since this all occurred. God has helped me learn and grow and continues to teach me things, but one thing I was to do is be able to encourage others to be careful with the choices they make, be more concerned about living for Christ than ANYTHING, and to be careful with how they dress for the sake of others. I am a different person because of Christ. I have gone through a lot. I am glad that I have been able to go to God so that it didn't get worse and I know that I can't think I am strong because in times when I have felt that way, temptation and Satan has tried to sneak in and ruin the things that I felt were important. This is why I encourage you to do all you can to read God's word and live it no matter what.

My husband's battle with pornography sadly continued to go on secretly (but was making him sicker and sicker so he viewed it less and less since the last time I had caught him when I was first pregnant) until he felt so convicted and so led by the Holy Spirit to finally listen AND obey Christ, that he surrendered all to the feet of Jesus (the song White Flag by a band called For Today really sent him overboard in tears to confess). He admitted it to me and felt such a huge burden off of his back, telling me everything (and I mean everything, hard to take in, but It helped him and helped me to hear it). He has been very incredibly open about his struggle, and has been clean since he obeyed Christ. He reached out and touched Jesus, and his disease of sin was taken instantly away from him. It is possible. God has done such a huge work on his life that he is a noticably transformed man. I praise God for the healing done in his life. I felt so betrayed and rejected, but God is healing me now of that pain. Our marriage has been built up so beautifully because of the sacrifices we have been giving to Him so that we will not perish from sin, but have eternal life and make a difference to each other, our family, and those around us through our experiences. Christ's healing power is REAL!

If you are going through a struggle with sexual purity or with modesty, please ask us to pray for you and please try to work on the issue and go to God to help you through it. Do not give into the temptations, because sin can and will destroy you and damage those around you who love you. You can defeat sin with God's help and by confessing your sins to Him and striving to change your way of life (please dig His Word)! If you would like to know of rescources we can recommend, feel free to email marvelousthingsphoto@gmail.com!

Men's Appeal to Women

2010-06-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

Usually we focus on all the women who are exposing themselves in a sexual manner, but what about the guys? I think a lot about young men or men in general who are always so concerned about looking hot for women, and how they might be feeling inside about themselves. I had never really seen sexualized male ads other than on Calvin Klein or Tommy Hilfiger (or those types of big-named clothing companies).

When I went to the mall the other day, for the first time in forever, I went into a store with my husband. We were each looking through clothes. On one hand I couldn't even try to make a modest type of outfit with their very low-cut shirts, but they did have shorts that were long that I liked. I didn't buy anything, but when I looked over towards the men's side, I noticed a large ad of a young man being very sexual in his expression and pose, showing off his ripped chest. It made me a little sad. I had never seen something like that in this store, and I had been there many times because it was one of my husband's favourite shops. What are we telling young boys and men with how they are to appeal to females?

Then I thought about the fact that I myself would wish to see my husband to lose a little weight, because he has a little gut he didn't have when I first fell for him. What pressure am I putting on him that I am that concerned with his looks? I realized it wasn't that I am really wanting him to be all hot in the body, because he is to me even with that gut. Instead I have the idea of being healthy in eating habits and exercise because I think of all the kids who wish they had food at all, and obesity in the U.S. really concerns me. I don't want him all buff, just healthy. I love the person he is inside. Sure I see areas where growth is needed in his spirit, but he accepts me for my physical flaws and tells me where I need to grow spiritually as well, and I need to do the same with his flaws, because it isn't so important as the adoration I have for him as a person and what is going to last.

I guess it matters to women more than I realized, but it had never really been a thing to me. Muscles actually kinda freak me out if they are bigger than just being toned. I know of a few guys who purposefully work hard to be fit in order to get the girls running to them. The reality that hit me is this scripture verse:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30

While men and women seem to really be concerned about looking sexy for one another, the truth is we need to be most concerned about how we look for the Lord. Once we have been able to have confidence in Christ, I believe that He places a man or woman into your life who will really admire the beauty that shines out of you from within your heart. We need to look more at what is lasting than what is going to fade away to dust one day.

Men - make sure that you focus on Christ and building up your Spirits for what is eternal instead of building up your muscles to turn on the opposite sex. If a woman is going to love you, they are going to love you for who you are. Sure we are going to be swayed by your looks, but we need to have knowledge that one day our bodies are going to change. We are going to get old. We are going to have to stop wanting to control what might happen to you. In the same way make sure you aren't trying to lure women into your bed and go for the woman who is going to shine a light of Christ to those around you. She is going to be a treasure. That is going to make her much more beautiful than a girl who has the looks but is nasty with her attitude.

Women - make sure you look beyond the muscles to find out if there is a man worth loving beneath it all - as in with who he is for real, not how he appears to be by his looks. If a man is so concerned about how he looks all the time, don't be surprised if he is not going to be as interested in you as he is with his vanity. We've already tried to suggest ways that you can be beautiful and sexy without having to flesh it out. Make sure that you work on your inner beauty, because it will last and be worthy of praise, as that scripture says.

Blogger Feature: Least In the Kingdom

2010-06-16T17:36:00.000-04:00

I really enjoy reading and seeing the updates on Least In The Kingdom's blog! This week she has been posting photos every day for Modest Fashion Week!!! She is a fun vintage loving Christian gal! Make sure you stop by her blog to see all the entries she's made this week and look forward to the rest in the week as well! Here's a photo she posted for one of the days!

We commend you for inspiring others and sharing not only ways of how women can be modest, but for sharing your faith in Jesus to those who may not know much about Him!!

Delias Made Modest!

2010-06-12T13:41:00.000-04:00

Delias is a pretty well known store. I honestly have owned dozens of clothing from them since 1996! Therefore, I wanted to show you a way of how you can choose modest clothing from their store. They don't always have the most modest choices, considering they are aimed for teenagers, but they definitely can be made into modest wear!! Here are a few examples I've put together for your viewing. If you aren't a teenager, I'm sure you can still get away with wearing these clothes too. They are more for fun than for fashion, so we'll call it FUN FASHION!

One thing you'll notice, we choose longer shorts and put leggings with shorter skirts. Also we recommend not showing cleavage or bra straps mixed with tank tops, or spaghetti straps. As an example, I married my boyfriend from high school and the way teen boys are, they like knowing about your bra because it creates a better picture for them of what you have privately concealed. They like seeing cleavage because it helps them see a form of your breasts. They like tube tops because it gives them an idea of what you might look like more naked....therefore we discourage these kind of clothing because they make the imagination easier to please lustful minds. Also seeing upper legs is a huge turn on for men and boys, so longer shorts help ease that. We don't want you to dress like nuns, but we do encourage you to be careful with how you appeal to those around you who may have lust problems. You can look sexy and fashionable while covered up!

Deliasmodest1 by justicepirate featuring Converse shoes

Carolina Ruffle Tank

$35 - delias.com
More tops »

Reese Low-Rise Boot-Cut Jean

$15 - delias.com

More jeans »

dELiAs > Converse Light Stripes Ox > shoes > sneakers

$53 - delias.com

More Converse shoes »

Minnie Sunglasses

$13 - delias.com

More sunglasses »

delias modest 2 by justicepirate on Polyvore.com

Carmen Malibu Plaid Shirt

$35 - delias.com

More clothing »

Reese Boston Wash 7 1/2" Jean Short

$35 - delias.com

More shorts »

Natalie Suede Flat

$15 - delias.com

More flats »

dELiAs > Savina Tonal Bracelet 4-Pack >

$13 - delias.com

More bracelets »

Jessie Sunglasses

$13 - delias.com

More sunglasses »

delias modesty 3 by justicepirate on Polyvore.com

Dance Ballet Shoes Tee

$9.99 - delias.com

More t shirts »

Scrunch Legging

$20 - delias.com

More leggings »

Renee Floral-Print Skirt

$40 - delias.com

More skirts »

Rebels Korset Flat

$20 - delias.com

More flats »

Marcella Bow Headband

$6.50 - delias.com

More hair accessories »

Delias Modest 4 by justicepirate on Polyvore.com

Dara Eyelet Dress

$20 - delias.com

More dresses »

dELiAs > Rebels Harem Sandal > shoes > sandals

$36 - delias.com

$25 - delias.com

$30 - delias.com

delias modest 5 by justicepirate featuring Morgan jeans

Mackenzie Plaid Shirt

$30 - delias.com

More blouses »

Joan Jett Tee

$33 - delias.com

More t shirts »

Morgan Low-Rise Skinny Cord

$15 - delias.com

More Morgan jeans »

Rocket Dog Orient Heel

$30 - delias.com

More Rocket Dog shoes »

Jennifer Sunglasses

$13 - delias.com

More sunglasses »

dELiAs > accessories > view all accessories

$4.50 - delias.com

Re-Abolish Slavery

2010-06-12T10:28:00.000-04:00

Sorry we haven't posted much this week. Been very busy. Posts coming soon. In the mean time. . .

http://love146.org/
http://ijm.org/
Are just some (and our favourites) of the many organizations that are fighting this issue!!!!!!

Father's Day Gift Ideas

2010-06-07T12:58:00.000-04:00

If you are anything like me, you may be clueless as to what to get your Dad (or Husband who is a Dad) on Father's Day.

I thought I'd just take some time out to give some ideas for buying things for your Dad/Hubby that not only will be Probably handmade but will not be made by the hands of slave labor, and will make him smile too.

YummyAffair has a special Father's Day set of goodies

SignsMakeASmile has nice plaques

DorothyDomingo has made some beautiful mugs

RiskyBeads keychain

Lifeverse 8x10 art print

CityCowboy belt buckles

JCJewelrydesign Custom Made Keepsake Guitar Pick

Monkeysalwayslook's Engraved Vintage Silverware Serving Forks

Modesty in the Workplace

2010-06-03T09:52:00.000-04:00

We recently stumbled upon this article about a woman who believes she was fired from her job due to the way she looks and the way she dresses. Apparently her coworkers often complained that she dressed too provocatively and that her sexy skintight clothing was distracting them from their work.

I thought it was interesting that she says she was banned from even wearing turtlenecks! But I think it goes to show that modesty is not just about covering our skin. Clothing that hugs every curve of a woman's body can cause a man to struggle with temptation to lust just as much as seeing, say, her cleavage. So even though her clothes didn't reveal very much skin, they still, according to the men at her workplace, didn't leave much to the imagination. And for the record, the company claims that she was not fired due to her appearance but due to her work performance.

On the other hand, is it her fault for being pretty, for having a nice body and not wanting to make her curvy body appear shapeless and frumpy? Certainly there may have been other factors at play here. Maybe it really was about her work performance but in anger she decided to sue the company and make it about her appearance. Maybe it was her attitude and the way she acted around men. Who knows that the real situation was.

What are your thoughts on this article (read it here)? What do you think about the idea of losing a job due to your choice of clothing? Would you change the way you dress to keep your job? Do you think women should take any responsibility at all for the way their clothing affects men?

Music Videos

2010-06-02T17:08:00.000-04:00

I've been receiving a few links from people to new music videos that are filled with questionable content, in which people have asked me for my opinion on what I think of them. Personally, I'd rather not see them. In fact I have yet to see a few of them, and prayerfully fear seeing some. Why? I do not like the fact that my eyes and soul get exposed to perversion. I used to be in love with watching music videos, no matter how people were dressed. I even had video recorded loads of them when I was about 17 or 18 off of the Television. These days I have a heavy heart and get easily disgusted. Sometimes I cry because of the content that is shown on videos. I ask you be extremely careful in what you allow your eyes to pick up because it will have an affect on your soul. It can cause you to sin. I thank you for sending me links and it is good that I can know what kids might be influenced by, so that maybe I can inform people as to why it is good to stay away from the content, but at the same time I do not want to be taken down a path I came out of. It is good that the Lord convicted me, but it is better to not be exposed at all. Guard your hearts.

My question to you is, what do you feel when you see music videos filled with sexual content?
What do you say when your friends like videos that have sexual content in them?

Modcloth.com

2010-05-27T08:38:00.000-04:00

I am sure you have heard of, seen many ads for, and maybe have purchased items from http://modcloth.com as I have a couple of times, myself.
I find most of their dresses to be a bit too short, but I want to help you understand how you can make an outfit more modest!!!
I tried to find items that were under $50 or around the price.

Here is a Modcloth dress that seems to be a good length. It is probably right above the knee. I am one who loves to wear slips or petticoats or stockings because it just makes things a little more modest. I know some people find that absurd, but I feel much more comfortable that way especially if the wind comes in. Although I think generally the dress would not show cleavage. . I understand that perhaps if you bend over, you could see it. We want to encourage girls to not show cleavage and to cover themselves if they bend over a little, because guys definitely will look. No doubt about it. Iti s very alluring to a man/boy. To help with that, you could add this shirt under the dress which will look stylish and pretty and definitely make it more modest. Or put the cardigan over top to help make it a bit more modest. Or put both on!

I'll be showing you more styles that you can get inspiration from in the future from sites that maybe don't have the most modest clothes but have some found. We really want to encourage shopping at more modest sites in general, but understand how difficult that can tend to be. What I like a lot about modcloth is that their clothing is made in the US so that means it lacks the slave labour that most clothing companies contribute to.

Items in this set:
Felicity Frock, $53
Fabray Cardigan, $55
Model Citizen Top, $48
Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes, $20
Flat-out Fabulous, $30

Waiting for Marriage for Sex

2010-05-24T10:32:00.000-04:00

It is quite sad how many teens are taught these days that there is no big deal in having sex whenever you want as long as you have protection. I read on the Seventeen Magazine forum on the subject: "We say this in Seventeen a lot: abstinence is the only way to 100% avoid pregnancy and STDs. But, do you want to know about practicing safe sex- even if you've decided not to be sexually active yet? Do you think being taught abstinence only will help or hurt you when it comes to sex ed?"

Last night in group discussion, one of my youth group kids shared "In Sex Ed class they teach us that abstinence is the safest and best choice for us, but then they tell us we're not going to care about that so they teach us about other forms of safe sex."
From this I realized that teachers are not even trying to help explain how wonderful it is to wait until marriage for sex. The problem is that parents don't even know what to tell their kids, so they just hand them condoms in hope that they won't get pregnant, get someone else pregnant, or get diseases.

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." -Hebrews 13:4

In the Bible, we learn how important it is that the marriage bed be kept pure and holy. People who don't honor this, are indeed sinning. We know that there will be no guilt, no past sexual pains to have to come up in our thoughts or relationship with our spouse when we wait until marriage. Our spirits are united as one and God, being the ultimate creator of the act of sex, is very happy to see when we obey Him.

I ask that we pray for parents and teachers to teach their children right from wrong, and the importance of waiting until marriage for sex. It will help protect them from harm and will help them not have to have worries about pregnancies or diseases. It is the ONLY safe sex. Why? We can't forget that our spirits and emotions get tattered and torn up through sex before marriage, even when they try to ignore those feelings. When uniting as one, as husband & wife, we can feel a great pleasure on many levels without fear or hurts. If you or someone you know is having a hard time with all they have shared with others sexually, let them know there is forgiveness through Christ. He can purify them and renew their strength. He can help them overcome their hardships and struggles.

I think it is very important to teach our kids all about sex and tell them the major consequences of having sex before marriage (and other sexual acts in general). They need to know there is a very sad side to having sex before marriage. Instead I think a lot of teachers and parents glorify it. Movies don't show the guilt or the pain, but they show full enjoyment without hardships stirring within themselves. It is this issue that is causing so many kids to having a curiousity about wanting to try it too. I think it is very important that we show the glories of absitinence and hope that in teaching them these differences, they will choose God's way over the world's way.

I skimmed through a lot of the readers' responses to the above Seventeen Magazine question.
Some of these responses really made me cringe, and others were surprisingly impressive. I wanted to show you that these are what teens and young adults (and even older adults) are thinking when it comes to abstinence and sex. I will say that surprisingly enough, most of the feedback they had were pro-abstinence. Let me know your thoughts on these few responses.

"I honestly think that teaching abstinence is good but makes teens feel like they can do it with out consequences. I am almost 14 and half my grade isnt a virgin. I cried when my friend told me she had sex because i feel left out because i havent done it. But i wanna wait till i get married so i know hes the one. "

"I think a lot of teens dont think these things out. It doesnt hurt to know how to have safe sex, but its a choice. I choose not to have sex because when i do get married my husband will know that i gave myself to him and no one else becuse I truely love him adn i dont want anyone else. But i think that reason why poeple have sex is a big question. Why does anyone have sex? what makes it soo amazing? is it becuse we are not allowed to?"

"I was really happy to have sex ed. For me, no sex until marriage is not only unrealistic, but unwanted. "

"I go to a Christian private school and I was forced into signing a paper that said i would wait until marriage to have sex."

"I think its good for teachers to teach about safe sex. I myself think its alright to have sex before marriage, as long as your in love."

"I'm not going to argue abstinence because that would just be stupid. If someone chooses abstinence, then that is their right. Good for them, they won't get pregnant, they believe that that is the way to a healthy relationship, whatever, that's great, but that doesn't mean that just because they changed the curriculm that suddenly everyone is going to be like, "Oh well they didn't teach us how to have a sexual relationship so I guess I just won't have one." If they believe that they are living in a dream world. If anything this will increase the amount of STIs and pregancies because now the teenagers will know even less about what they were doing. I know that my boyfriend had his first time in the seventh grade, and not with me, so he could very well have an STD but I have no idea how to get that checked. And I barely know how to apply a condom. Embarrassingly enough, I have to ask my sister about this as she is five years older than me and had to tell me how do. She made me practice on a banana like in Never Been Kissed. She didn't choose abstinence. I really love my boyfriend and I want to have sex with him. I don't want to choose abstinence, but what about the girls without older sisters or mothers that they don't think they can talk to? Do they just have the sex and risk the pregnacy and STD because no one taught them how to apply a condom? "

"Marriage before sex is the best way to go because if you wait to have sex before you get married you have more respect for that person as well as they will have respect for you. Sex will be more enjoyable and your marriage will be better because of the communication. if you have sex before you will loose interest when you are married because its almost going to be pointless to marry. i always hear people say they dont want to get married'whats the point' they say and it true. if you have done everything with that person its not going to have a point to get married. so wait! "

"I think that people make this huge deal of telling us to wait, but then you see it on tv shows and music, and they arent waiting! ithink that it is a choice for you and your partner to make and that everyone else should stay out of it, but if you get pregnant or an std it is your own fault! "

"I think that teaching safe sex is very important especially before marriage. Today, a 13-year-old announced that she is pregnant. And right there, her boyfriend dumped her."

"It's sad that our sex ed program teaches us that "teens are going to have sex anyways, so might as well teach them to be safe." The reality is, many teens don't want to have sex, but feel the expectation from every one - peers, boyfriends, and even in school - to have sex to be normal. School doesn't teach about the emotional effects of sex, and the concept that many girls give sex to get love, but rather teach us only about the physical. Abstinence is seen as a religious based form of birth control, and is often thought of as an afterthought."

"I REALLY like the fact that our government is funding abstinence and that students are being informed. But they should also think about teaching teens about the emotional side effects of having sex. (I personally am saving myself for my future husband) I was watching the tyra show and there were many girls from 13 to 17 years old who have had sex and were completely emotionally scarred. that, along with the physical effects, is what they should teach in schools."

"Personaly, I think wait for sex until you are in love. Lets face it, teens have sex. It should not be taught as a bad thing. It is a part of life. I think if you are smart and use every sort of birthcontrol its perfectly fine. You have to lose your virginity sometime. Who wants to wait until they are in their late 20s or even 30s to finally do it? "

"My boyfriend and I have chosen to not have sex until we get married, whether it be to each other or to someone else. We just think that the safest way to handle the sex situation is to not create the situation at all. However, a former classmate of mine who graduated in her junior year has four children. She had one every year she was in school and twins during her junior year. She's not the only one who doesn't seem to know about safe sex. At my school they don't even teach abstinent sex ed anymore let alone about safe sex. I think instead of investing so much money into telling kids not to have sex, why don't we invest money in teaching them how to be safe if they choose to have sex? After all, when most kids are told not to do something...they want to do it all the more. "

"I think sex should be a way to epress your feelings and to connect with your partner. I think it is not fair to ask teens to hold in there feelings... everyone has needs not only married people.. but it all depends on how each couple feels...""Yes our hormones are crazy and it seems like a great way to build a relationship, but let's be real. Sex is meant for a man and a women after they have gotten married. Marriage is also meant to be a life long commitment, not a two month fling. When a couple decides to get married they are making a promise to one another that says they will be faithful to one another and love one another unconditionally. I don't think we as teens are ready for this kind of commitment at this point in our lives. For me sex isn't just something to do. It's my gift to my husband. I don't want it to be something I am ashamed of or something that causes something negative in someone's life. It is our gift from God to not only enjoy as married partners, but also a way to bring new life into the world."

Fighting Lust!

2010-05-21T09:49:00.000-04:00

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. " -Romans 8:5-8

Last night while I was finishing reading Joshua Harris' book Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is), I heard a big bug buzzing around the bedroom. I don't know what type of bug it was, but I believe it was either a beetle or a stink bug of sorts. Finally I saw it go towards the ceiling light in the center of the room. It was at this moment that I put the book down and watched it.

I was thinking about the fact that we often wander around feeling in control of our lives, but suddenly find something so interesting and tempting, but knowing it is harmful, that we go after it. In this instance I was thinking about the issue of lust (but this is with sin in general too). How many times have people been so into checking someone else out and focusing so much on their body that we forget about anything beautiful inside them shining outwardly (women do this too, remember)? How many times have people driven down a road only to see a woman running while wearing a sports bra and spandex shorts, turning their heads to draw their attention to lust after her? Perhaps you have acted through your lustful thoughts even. The point is there are limitless issues where we can begin to form a problem of lust in our minds that effect our hearts and spirit into destruction.

As I watched the bug sit in the middle of the ceiling light, it was probably so fascinated with the bright light that it reached out and flew into it straight on. It probably burned it pretty badly. I watched it shake and shimmy around the lamp, trying to get out and trying to fight the pain it felt. After a couple minutes of watching it suffer so, it ceased to move at all. It was dead.

How often have we ourselves been so seduced by our lustful thoughts that we decide, knowing it is dangerous, or because the people around us make it seem like it is no big deal, we go for it, and that it ensnares us. We begin to suffer and fight the temptations. We have a hard battle and get burned like the bug.
We become slaves to our sin, instead of being led to obeying God. Eventually we'll be so trapped that our sin might kill us.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 6:23

Do you want to be freed? Do you want to fight or help someone you know out of their sin enslavement? There is freedom available. It might be a battle that you will face, and perhaps you are helping through being accountable to someone who is going through a battle. I want to encourage you to pray for them and if you are battling in sin (in this case lust) I want to encourage you to tell someone who can help you. If you are going through temptation, pray about it, memorize some scriptures to help you through, and afterwards tell your accountability partner about it through a phone call to tell them specifically what your current battle is.

"Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. " -Romans 8:12-14

Smart Water Sexual ads

2010-05-19T15:41:00.000-04:00

Smart Water has taken on Jennifer Aniston as their new campaigner for their ads. Thing is, most of the ads are very sexual or have a lack of clothing included in them. I don't know about you, but I don't think drinking Smart Water is going to make someone sexier, feel younger, or have a thin body.

What do you think about advetisements that bring on such sexual tones to sell their products?

Miss America Takes Us To Bed!??

2010-05-15T09:49:00.000-04:00

Miss America has always been about showing off beauty of our country's women. In competition, If showing off bathing suits that are already very risque and leave nothing to the imagination these days, then how about the fact that this year they are pulling out something new?

Miss America contestants will be competiting in showing off lingerie, so now you can imagine them seductively in a totally new way! How exciting that we have reduced women more than ever by saying, "American women should be provocative!" Where is modesty these days? What happened to keeping things private and in marriage? What message is going out to young girls or the men who watch or hear about this competition?

Here are some retro Miss America pictures!

The first year of Miss America was in 1921

1921! First Miss America winner!

1927

1927 again!

1933 Miss America

1937 Miss America winner

Miss America 1939!

Miss America 1947 (third from left)

Miss America 1950

Miss America 1958 and 1959

Forced Prostitution on Teens

2010-05-13T10:08:00.000-04:00

Many of you have probably heard about Lawrence Taylor's issue with being accused of rape because he picked up a 16 year old prostitute. Why is it that people take his side? There are people who think that prostitutes choose the life that they are in, but do they REALLY?? What people don't realize is that the average age of prositution is 12-14 year olds in our country. They are drugged, kidnapped, threatened, and forced into such lifestyles. People are unaware that the high majority of prostitution is slavery/human trafficking.

My question to you is, has prostitution targeted our youth because of pornography and the fact that we have allowed them to wear less and less clothing? We need to educate people into understanding the truth about prostitution. We need to spread awareness that there is an injustice in our world. There are people out to harm young children and others who make excuses for it. There are also those who don't realize that they are harming children because they are also being lied to.

I remember watching a few shows as a teen where people made fun out of trying to get their 30 year old virgin sons to sleep with prostitutes to make them men, but I think if those people realized they were going to put their son into the hands of someone who was forced into their "job" in which they probably see no money for, who see many clients a day, pick up diseases, and are told how to act when inside they are so empty and longing to be treated with respect and love. . .if people were told that children who are made to look older and see 10-40 people a day to rape them for profit, perhaps it will cause them to step back and NOT encourage going to prostitutes. Perhaps then less people would want to force these young children into this life because they would have less people interested in going to them. The more we spread awareness, the more we speak out against wearing less, pornography, and human trafficking, the more people will wake up and see what is going on around them.

http://love146.org/
http://ijm.org/
http://www.gems-girls.org/
http://www.restorenyc.org/

Modest Mama Advice

2010-05-09T20:31:00.000-04:00

Question:
What did your mother teach you about modesty? Did you care about what she said? What do you think you would say to your daughter (or future daughter) about modesty? Would it be the same as what your mom told you, or different? Why or why not?

Happy Mother's Day!

Prom Season Dress Hunting

2010-05-08T07:48:00.000-04:00

I don't know if prom season is on currently, or if it ended. I am going to start to look through teen based magazines to understand what is going on in teen culture so I can be able to maybe see what they are being fed today. I never read through those magazines unless people on my school bus would shove them in my face laughing to read mortifying stories or to giggle about sexual things in it. I did however buy them and look at fashion and cut out the pictures into a very large scrapbook I kept for a long time, but I didn't read them. I would mark the outfits with how I would change it to my ideal looks. I threw it out in 2007, but I started making it in 1997. That being said, I recall often times that I cut out prom dresses that I found to be beautiful.

I was so sad to read this article recently online. You'll see how these new popular prom dresses are inspired by Lady Gaga, which I wrote a nice entry on my personal blog about her here if you have a chance to see my thoughts. A part of the article states:
One Saks 5th Avenue saleswoman actually hocking the goods was disgusted, saying, "I can't believe that mothers let high school girls buy these dresses for prom." And the same story rings true over on Flatbush Avenue, where a store manager told the paper, "For prom this year, girls want short and poofy or long, tight-fitting, with everything cut out — the sides are gone, the back is gone, the front is basically gone." Maybe everyone's prom theme is Jersey Shore this year!

I decided to go Prom dress shopping myself for this blog! I never went prom dress hunting. My dress cost me $50 and didn't really look anything near to how the other dresses looked worn by the girls in my school for prom. I had no idea it cost so much money for a dress that you wear once. I wore my prom dress twice (it was altered for my wedding).

From the site http://www.totallymodest.com/
There are some beautiful dresses that are just as their shop suggest: "Totally Modest".

Next is from a store called Beautifully Modest

You can find many many more by googling "Modest Prom Dress" and a long list of stores will show up.

If you want more of a 1950s modest prom dress, I do most of my shopping on etsy.com in the vintage section. They have EVERYTHING there, but here I did a search for vintage 50s prom dresses and here are some gorgeous dresses I found.

From Vintage Vortex

From Timeless Vixen Vintage Plus an Extra Dress

From Flour Clothing

From Calendar Girl Vintage

Shabby Apple

2010-05-06T12:41:00.000-04:00

Currently, there is a new collection called "Oh LaLa". All of their dresses are modest. They are a little bit pricey, but I think that is because they are more quality-made (unlike sweat shop/slave labour clothing you can buy at Wal-Mart). This shop is specifically made to be more appealing in a modest way.

Shabby Apple is a fashion label that donates 5% to India to help women who are suffering there. "Every $100 donation from Shabby Apple Dresses provides at least 20 women with access to financial services - and the chance to live a life without poverty." You can read stories from Indian women who have been touched because of it.